Some big events this weekend. Today is the CHILI COOKOFF that will benefit the Sister Season Fund and the Xena Fund. It is going to be held at BOBBY’S MONKEY BAR, AQUA, 801 and BOURBON STREET PUB.

Do not know how this is going to work, but we will see.

Sunday is the BATTLE OF THE BARS at SCHOONER WHARF. It is an annual event and most bars participate. Fun to watch, but it takes five hours and is hot.

The BOURBON STREET PUB is having their Texas Weekend this week. God lord people get some new decorations like cows with legs. And you really think JUNIOR is going to dress as a Massachusetts cowboy? Get serious. Just put RANDALL out there-----he talks and acts stupid enough to be from Texas.

MYSTERIOUS ALLEN, partner of BRITISH DAVID was out yesterday. Did not have much time to talk to him since he was in serious conversation with PETER. That sent him home and to bed to get a nap.

Sat across from BRYAN and BILLY<.B> today and when I suggested they get a haircut they got nasty. Well at least Brian can get better reception with that hair. Billy looks like a tree rat with rabies.

The ballots for the GOLDEN PLUNGER awards are out and will be for the next couple of weeks. Vote and vote often.

The Gulf oil spill has not reached us and it is very possible it will not. Although good news for us, our hearts are with the folks on the northern gulf coast.

MICHEAL SANCHEZ has a new name. It is SHIRLEY. Somehow that works.

The 801 TURNABOUT SHOW was great. It was packed and excellently emceed by BRAD. He ought to be a drag queen, but I guess one in the family is enough.

CHARLIE was great, but with that body how could you not be.

MARK said we would not recognize him. Well we did and it was not pretty.

GUGI has injured her knee, but I think it is getting better. Please, we miss you.

JUNIOR and TIPSY are back from their vacation with their families in South Carolina. So Chatty Cathy is back, or as PETER calls him the Dancing Flea.

GATOR is planning his revenge on DAVID ROSE for disrupting his bar Monday morning. Watch out, you may be in over your head.

A quiet week here, but that is to be expected this time of year. It is still not boring enough for OMAHA CRAIG so do not book a flight bitch.

In the last week have witnessed more people come into a bar and drink and then inform the bartender they do not have the money to pay for it. Who do you think picks up that tab-----the bartender. Some have established credit and are always good for it, but others are not. For the latter group do not let them back in until they pay their tab and make sure they pay as they go.

The going away party for DON and TROY at EQUATOR last night was well attended and very nice. I usually make a snide comment at this point, but with the leaving of these two for Palm Springs I can not. We well lose two very valuable members of this island, as well as two great friends. God speed, my friends.

Our good friend JOHN SCHAFFER is leaving for Viegos, Peurto Rico soon. He will be missed. Also, MARK, former bartender at BOBBY’S is moving to the mainland. He also will be missed.

KATHY and SANDY snuck back to Ft. Lauderdale without saying good by. Get back here quick you are naturals for this island.

Seems an old movie from the sixties has appeared. It is of PETER RYDER and his partner at the time. They were initially dressed in Bermuda shorts and Bermuda socks----just the height of fashion. Now we need to know if the clothes remained on or did PETER make porn?

On Thursday from 4 to 6 pm there will be a good by party for DON (aka HURLIN HELEN) and TROY (aka TRIXIE) at EQUATOR. On Sunday went to Karaoke at the 801. Lots of good voices and it was very good.

Monday morning went to Breakfast Club at the 801 and guess who was there------DAVID ROSE and SAMMY. Now I know if you see them together the best thing to do is to turn and run, but I did not. What a breakfast. They molested me for two hours-----have you ever been kissed by someone who has a half eaten pancake in their mouth? They even licked me using maple syrup. It was gross. They made BIG DEAN look quite.

On Saturdays during the day AQUA is going to have one of three bartenders-----DAVID ROSE, MATT HALL or TIPSY behind the bar. They will rotate Saturdays. Sounds like fun.

Well it appears the P&E powers that be (as well as some of you avid readers) are happy with my return to the keyboard, so will keep the columns coming. Have some CHOICE stories from the recent BONE ISLAND BARE-IT-ALL Weekend, but don’t want to break up any marriages. So for now we’ll stick to the saga of our Sister Sand Dune.

We begin this episode with a few moments of Thursday that I left out last week. I mentioned that I started meeting ferries (with Fairies) beginning at 7am as my phone was dead and could not get a charger from the office till 9am so had NO idea if and when my luggage would be arriving. The first glimmer of hope came with the 9:30, as I went down to the dock and there, with the box I sent from Key West, was the new postmaster. I joyously exclaimed, “MY BOX!” and went to relieve him of his heavy burden. His reply, “You’ll have to come back to the post office at 10:45 to pick it up.” Not having a mirror handy, I cannot describe the look on my face. But it must have been sufficiently, bone chillingly manic for him to change his response to, “Just take it.” Well at least I now had my costume for the Invasion and my MAA merchandise. I returned to the office to my charging phone and was able to reach the luggage delivery guy named GEORGE who informed me my bag would be on the 11:30. So by 12:30 I was poolside, showered, in clean clothes, and preparing for my guest appearance with ARIEL SINCLAIRE & BRAD LOEKLE for KAMAKAZE KABARET. Speaking of Brad, he had arrived on one of the earlier ferries. To give you an idea of how happy people were to see me back in the Grove, it ranged from people not recognizing me at all due to all the non-drinking weight I had lost to Mr. Loekle, who said, “It’s in my contract that you’re supposed to be DEAD.” Ah New York.

So back to where I left off last week. I’m standing off stage, CHUCK has my CD, ARIEL has done her opening number, and she introduces me and… no music. Chuck searches, and searches, and no tracks are reading. So Ariel moves on to her first game and I go running back to my room to get my back-up CD and my flash drive. Hand those off. Ariel finishes the game. We try again. Back-up CD: Same problem – no music. Flash-drive: No file. So I walk out onto the stage, grab the microphone, and go into a Stand-up routine (which I LOATHE) but was rather easy as I started with “A funny thing happened on my way to Fire Island…” and proceeded to just tell the stories that you’ve already read. I did, however, make the mistake when I got to the part about the postmaster saying “And what the hell happened to that old bitty who USED to run the Post Office?” Dear JEAN SKINNER, the eldest resident of Cherry Grove, had died this past Memorial Day Weekend at the age of 98 (They had a MEMORIAL PROCESSION of her casket through the Grove before taking the body off the island). Love the taste of Payless Shoe Leather. Moving on. Still not finding anything on the flash drive, Ariel happened to have the Wendy the Ho “F*** ME” song on her CD, which I did, and then ran back to my room for the THIRD time to get my $25 K-Mart MP3 Player which I KNEW had my music on it, as I had been practicing on the plane some new numbers I was planning to do later in the week. Chuck got that plugged into the laptop, and found track #110 and #224 respectively (Yes, I know, get a frickin’ IPod already!) and we finished the show. Afterwards, Ariel asked, “Are you doing any numbers in Porsche’s show later?” Not wanting to tempt fate, I went back to the room, got out of drag, climbed into the drag loft, took a sleeping pill, and went to sleep hoping I would awaken Friday morning in Key West saying, “It was all a bad dream!” Nope, woke up in the drag loft. But at least I was rested.

So I head down to the bar to find Chuck and we put in the flash drive again and, voila, the music file appears. (NOTE: As we all know, Chuck is an AMAZING DJ and always goes above and beyond the call of duty). So we just wrote the whole thing off to my bad travel karma, downloaded the music to his computer, burned new CD’s, and pressed on. Not having anything to do until the PORSCHE show that evening, I took my travel reading and a Faux-Mo and headed to the pool to soak up some rays. And there she was. My dear sister (though she still claims the DNA tests are inconclusive), GUSTY WINDS. As I’m sure many of you out there are aware, there are several stories regarding our “relationship”. She and I have never sat down and discussed it, so I’m just going to speak for myself. There are 2 relationships that exist: DANIEL & J.B. and GUSTY & GASSY. As men, I consider us fellow performers and friends who shoot the shit and sling the occasional barb as queens will do. As Gusty & Gassy, I’m sure she’d like to see my rotting carcass being eaten by vulchers in the middle of the meat rack. Bottom line: We are two very different performers who happen to share a last name. End of story.

Friday night’s PORSCHE LIVE! show was its usual brilliance. Plus it was just me and my sister, which is the first time we’ve ever gotten to do that, which made it all the more special. AND if THAT wasn’t enough, we had a CELEBRITY in the audience! Ricky Martin? Nathan Lane?? Ellen DeGeneres??? No, MR. NEIL SEDAKA!!! (“Breakin’ Up Is Hard To Do”). Porsche was able to get him up on stage, and he said to her, “You have the talent to be on American Idol!”. Her response, “That’s very sweet, Mr. Sedaka, but I’m not the biggest fan of FOX right now.” Always the lady. And now I can add to my resume: Performed Brittney Spear’s TOXIC in Fat Suit and Delta Burke Lingerie for Neil Sedaka. How many people can say that?

And now from the sublime to the absurd, summed up in two words: LOGAN HARDCORE. Some of you conch’s may remember Logan when he was here performing with Porsche in May. She was the queen doing cartwheels and full splits in the middle of Porsche’s show (not to mention down the center line of Duval Street.) The girl is certifiable, but her pool show Saturday afternoon with DALLAS DUBOIS was complete bedlam and I LOVED it!!! To give you and idea of what these queens do: The hotel is all of 3 stories tall. They opened the show with Dallas on the balcony of the second floor with a large pineapple juice can attached to a string with here wig done up in beer cans as Lady Gaga for TELEPHONE. When the Beyoncé part came in, she dropped another can down the 3 stories to pool level to Logan (who had jumped out from behind a staircase) and THEN they proceeded to have a tug-o-war ACROSS THE POOL. For those of you who have not been to Cherry Grove, the pool is just shy of Olympic size, so this was no easy feat. Also in the show were two queens I had heard of but not worked with before. CHANDA LIER (think IVANA RICHMAN but TALLER (if that’s possible) and sings LIVE) and BIANCA DEL RIO. I have heard Ms. Del Rio described as the following: “The Lisa Lampinelli of Drag”, “The Queen with the Rapier Wit”. Suffice to say, she came to the pool show in a 60’s do and bathing suit to match, layed herself out on a deck chair, and, with no microphone, shot one-liners back at Logan and Dallas that had the entire audience doubled over in hysterics. I’m happy and honored to call her sister and new friend (‘cause god help me if I ever got on her bad side. I’d have to move to the Congo.) The show ended with yours truly and company in the pool (amazingly the fat suit did not make me sink) doing the Esther Williams version of “You Can’t Stop The Beat” from HAIRSPRAY. Mama was in the zone and I had a BLAST!!!

There’s more, but have to save something for next week’sfinal chapter:

EPISODE 3: 2010: A DRAG GODDESSY (aka The Invasion of the Pines).

BIG RUBY’S TERRY: “I am from South Carolina and I was 16 before I knew ‘damn Yankee’ was two words.”

Well TROPICAL STORM BONNIE came and went. After all the hype from the media it was a beautiful day. We had two brief showers and that was it. My only regret----no hurricane party. Even where it hit there was no damage or injury.

This brings up the whole issue of the media. Let me start with the WEATHER CHANNEL. Although their actual reporting of Bonnie was not too bad, it was always followed by scenes of a Cat 5 storm. They just want to get people to watch, but it results in local harm. All guest houses and hotels had numerous cancellations for the weekend based on what they were seeing. Channel 7 in Miami was not much better.

Another example is the poor woman who was the USDA agent in Georgia who got fired from a sound bite of a speech that was totally taken out of context. Although the sound bite was placed on the internet by a right wing wacko (which is redundant), it was picked up by the media and got her fired. My problem is with the media----the sound bite on the internet and its source was not hidden----why would you assume it as fact. Too much of trying to get some good stuff on the air and not checking it out. If there is a saving grace to this story, it was CNN who brought the facts out.

DESIRAY and CASA JIM told me that they have been lovers for eight years. Did not know Casa Jim had bad eyesight.

DESIRAY in a direct quote: “Desiray is the best drag queen in the world.” Would you not like to have that magic mirror.

DESIRAY: “Once it goes in, it does not come out.” I guess the bathroom walls are right.

There was this guy dressed in a Boy Scout outfit standing on the street not being able to read a map. A friend asked him where he wanted to go and my friend gave him directions. My friend then asked if he was a Boy Scout. The visitor said he was a troop leader. My friend then asked him where his troop was and the visitor said he did not know. Think the troop knew how to read a map.

We are aware of the problem on the photo page. It will be corrected on Monday.

BOBBY’S BRIAN has a new passion----Doritos that taste like cheese burgers. Thought they were disgusting, although some people really liked them.

801 AARON had his 40th birthday Wednesday. There was a surprise party for him.

CIRCLE K HARRY has his birthday today. We are going to have a party at 801 Breakfast Club.

Went to AQUA’S DUELING BARTENDERS Monday night. GODDESS was RANDY THOMPSON’S co-host. They were very good and RANDY’S hair looked good----well at least compared to CUFF’S.

Everyone that attended at BONE ISLAND: BARE IT ALL WEEKEND event is still talking about how good they were. They had a great turnout of visitors and locals. Most talked about is the event at AQUA.

POSTAL WENDY was informing was that she needed oversize pasties. Now that is just too much information. She even showed us why----eee gads.

Am already missing DON (aka HURLIN HELEN) and TROY (aka TRIXIE) as they get ready to move to Palm Springs, California. They leave August 1stPEARLS and ISLAND HOUSE ought to have been included. The reason I did not is that they are guest houses and their bars cater to the people staying there. My apologies if that upset people, is what not intended to. PEARLS is an all-women guest house and bar located on United between Duval and Simonton. Obviously do not know much about it. The ISLAND HOUSE is an all male guest house located on White and Fleming.

DESIRAY is going to give seminars to fat, female tourists on to dress appropriately. She should know.

Have received several e-mails about more specific information on the good bartenders and what the bars are like.

Do not really want to comment much on bartenders. I have my favorites, but who is someone’s favorite varies on personal taste. We are like every other place-----we have some great bartenders and some who are not. But almost all of them have their following.

There are five gay bars in Key West. KWEST is a small, but very well done bar on 700 block of Duval. It opens around 3 pm and during the afternoon is a rather quite and caters to those who just want to talk. At night they have dancers and the whole atmosphere changes.

AQUA is also on the 700 block of Duval. It opens at 3 pm and has a good afternoon crowd. At night they have two drag shows with the famous AQUANETTES. They are very good shows. After the drag shows they have a DJ and dancing. It is fairly large so there is lots of room.

BOURBON STREET PUB is also on the 700 block. It consists of two bars. The front bar is inside and all are welcome---at night they have dancers here. It opens at 10 am. In the back is a pool with a tiki bar. The pool bar is for men only and is clothing optional.

The 801 is on the 800 block of Duval. It consists of three bars. There is the main bar which opens at 7 am and can order breakfast from there. Upstairs is the Cabaret that opens for nightly drag shows. These shows are also excellent. Behind the main bar is SALOON ONE. It opens at 5 pm and is a cruise and porn bar. Closest to a leather bar that we have. Enter at your own risk.

Finally, there is BOBBY’S MONKEY BAR located on the corner of Olivia and Simonton, about a block off Duval----very walkable from the other bars. It is smaller and where most of the locals collect. It is a wonderful place and always a lot of fun. It opens at noon.

OMAHA CRIAG informed us he is having a wonderful time in Omaha watching the grass grow. Always said it was an exciting place. Well, it is too early to husk the corn.

MISS PEGGY turns 60 today. She is now officially an old lady.

801 BRIAN is trying to grow his hair long and wearing a hair net of sorts to keep it our of his face. He looks like PATTY DUKE.

About two years ago PISTOL passed. Never will forget the Memorial Service, when it started with someone saying “If you can not say anything nice, do not say anything.” There was ten minutes of silence. PISTOL would have loved it.

People, if that is what you call Drag Queens, are now back from Fire Island. All the accounts are they had a great time and that RV BEAUMONT gave some fabulous performances.

CASA JIM to DEISRAY: “But you are the old lady honey.”

Got a request about where to go here and where to stay. There are five gay bars: AQUA, BOBBYS MONEKY BAR, BOURBON STREET PUB, KWEST and 801.

All but BOBBYS are on the 700 or 800 block of Duval. Bobbys is on the corner of Simonton and Olivia. They are all different, but each has it own appeal.

There are numerous hotels and guest houses here.

The gay guest houses vary in price, but each has its own appeal. On Flemming Street there is the Island House, Oasis, Equator. On Appelrouth, right off of Duval, is Big Rubys. On Duval is New Orleans house, above Bourbon Street. Depends on what you want and how much you are willing to spend.

Sorry about KENNE’S column not being published until yesterday. There were just complications----although nice ones.

MISS MESS and his sister, KATRINA, finally left to go back north. They were here three extra days, due to the weather in central Florida. Nice to know there is one nice kid in that family. However, do not think either ever met a dick they did not like.

Heard she met DAVID ROSE. That will scar her for life. Do not understand why he was interested in her-----she is not old enough for Shady Pines.

Speaking of DAVID ROSE am shocked AQUA has not closed due to him being the manager and MATT HALL the assistant manager. Two fun guys.

Looks as if they have finally capped the oil spill in the Gulf. We are all hoping. So far we are fine. Then there was a very wrong story in national publications about the amount of Dengue Fever here. We have had around 16 cases, not 1000, and there is no evacuation planned. Have not heard of a new case in over a month.

The island is full this week. All of the guest houses are full. That is great news.

HURLING HELENS last day at BOURBON STREET PUB was yesterday. Hope it was handled gracefully, but I doubt it.

Hello Cyberspace! Well I know it’s been a few months since last I put my fingers to keyboard to keep you apprised of the goings on here in Key West. And for the moment, I still won’t be doing that. But since the boys of P&E were unable to head north this summer and I was given 9 day furlong from the 801, I bring you stories and greetings from out Sister Sand Dune to the South (of Long Island that is)…

EPISODE 1: The Turmoil of Travel

In order to get the cheapest flight and be able to fly directly into Islip (the closest airport to Cherry Grove), I had to take the 6:30am out of KW and fly to Tampa, then Charolette, then Philly, and finally Islip. I did my usual Tuesday Night Late show, stayed up all night, getting to the airport around 5am and greeted by the smiling face of IDA B. It never ceases to amaze me how many KW queens work at the airport. Of course my bag (which was 90% drag and 10% boy) was one pound over the allotted 70 lb. limit. IDA B: “Just take out an earring dear.” Since it was easier to remove one SUSHI dress, it got transferred to my other carry on (the Gassy Fat Suit in my AQUA bag), boarding passes were printed, and off to security I went. Things went swimmingly until I hit Charolette where I needed to get the rest of my boarding passes. When I got to the gate and asked for said passes, I received an attitudinal “Oh, you mean you’re on Stand-by.” from the delightful USAir lady. I said, “No, I have a reservation and I know where you live!” (Don’t mess with the Gas with no sleep and 2 flights to go.) So now we’re off to Philly. Ah Philly. The City of Brotherly Love, Cheesesteak Sandwiches, and Cream Cheese. Here’s where things started to go downhill. First, my flight to Islip was delayed. (No worries. Had 2 ferries I could take out to the Grove). So while I waited, I texted PORSCHE to make sure the box with my Sushi-Made Invasion Costume and $300 worth of MONKEY APPLE ART Merchandise had arrived. Her response… “What box?” Strike 2. Strike 3 was getting ready to board said flight to Islip and not seeing the 70 lb. bag in the back of the prop plane. Suffice to say when I arrived in Cherry Grove, I had: 1. My carry on with my reading material, music, and Gassy Glasses. 2. My carry on with the dress and the fat suit. And 3. The clothes on my back. Good thing I wasn’t performing that night.

Cherry Grove is pretty much the same as I remember it from 2 years back, with the exception that SUNSETS BY THE BAY and THE TIDES are not open this season, so CHERRY’S and the ICE PALACE are the only Gin Joints in town, and as far as restaurants go, the

ISLAND BREEZE, TOP OF THE BAY, FLOYD’S, THE CHERRY PIT, GROVE PIZZA, and JUMPIN’ JACK’S SEAFOOD SHACK are still servin’ it up on Island time and at Island prices. Lady PORSCHE was in the Big Apple getting last minute Invasion supplies, so I had the GROVE HOTEL Drag Condo all to myself my first night. Familiar faces abounded, with JOHN & KENNY at the helm of the ICE PALACE with RHETT and CHUCK slinging drinks, SAL, RAMON, FRANK, & WEND all in their places in the Hotel Office, GEORGE (who just turned 70!) and JERRY (who just looks 70) still lugging the Lysol keeping the rooms spic-n-span, and of course, BIG MAC DADDY reigning supreme as the head of security. Down @ CHERRY’S, JACKIE & DONNA still helm the hen house for all the vagitarians with MIKE SALINARI as GM and BAMBI and JOHNNY POOLE behind the bar. GREG CAMPO (formerly of 801) is now slinging drinks on the weekends @ I.B., while hubby HUGO runs J.J.’s.

Wednesday night was spent freezing my butt off (amazing what a 15° drop in temperature can do), dining on free end-of-the-day pizza and watching WHIP IT OUT WEDS at the PALACE (the FI version of COCK SHOCK). It was also RAMON’s Birthday, and when he got on the bar with the stripper/porn star HE ended up making more tips! Oh, and due to my sobriety (and the fact that NO ONE on FI has Ginger Ale), a new cocktail was created in my honor: The Faux-Mo (Pink Lemonade and Sprite with a Lime garnish to resemble a Cosmo on the Rocks). Thank you KENNY & SATC2. Got about 2 hours sleep so I could start meeting ferries @ 7am in the hopes that my box and my bag would arrive. That dream became reality with the arrival of the 11:30. So by noon Thursday, I was poolside, showered, in clean clothes, and preparing for my guest appearance with ARIEL SINCLAIRE & BRAD LOEKLE for KAMAKAZE KABARET. Got in a nice long nap, got into drag, turned in my CD to Chuck, and waited with great anticipation for my introduction. And then the hell began all over again… Stay tuned next week for EPISODE 2: Make-Up, Music, and Mayhem

STACI and CAPRENTER CHRIS had quite the day on Sunday. A little snarky. Somewhere Staci came up with three gay guys walking down the street as a gaggle of faggots. Well this led to naming them as a “faggle.”

This led to a whole series of names, the only other I remember is a “spickgaggle”-----three or more Hispanics. Maybe I had moored my boat at the same dock.

Since GUGI is in Fire Island, TREY (aka TRACIE) took her place at Karaoke Sunday. She has a very good voice, but we need a benefit to get her a new wig and better cosmetics. Know she is from North Carolina, but even most red necks do not look that scary.

Have not heard much about the KEY WEST INVASION OF FIRE ISLAND, but most of the girls get back to the rock today so I am sure the stories will be coming.

The sand is out of the 801 and it is back to normal. Although the locals do not like it very well, tourists seem to love it.

DAVID, the little boy of HENRY and MARIA’S, is just beautiful. Thank god he looks like Maria.

The 801 BREAKFAST CLUB is off and running. They have made a deal with FLAMINGO’S CAFÉ that provides a limited menu and for six dollars you get a great breakfast.

At 7:15 yesterday morning I was sitting next to B-RAD. Thought I was have a nightmare.

We have made Mondays the BAD HAIR DAY with HARRY being the GRAND MARSHALL.

HARRY: “I am thinking about commiting suicide. Would like to be sucked to death. It sort of like coming and going.”

Today is the last day of the KEY WEST INVASION OF FIRE ISLAND. Have not heard much, but sure I will. Will pass it along.

Lots going on today. There will be Poker at Aqua at 3. Karaoke at 801 at 4, Gay Bingo at 801 Cabaret at 5, and the Tea Dance at La Te Da at 4.

JOY was at the 801 Breakfast Club yesterday. What a hoot. She had gotten laid the night before, but she did not remember who or how many. When VICAR DON walked through HARRY said he was the Episcopal priest. JOY said: “Did he piss on me to?”

The 801 BREAKFAST CLUB went well on Saturday morning and was lots of laughs. You will have to try it out.

MISS MESS (aka JEREMY) is visiting and he still is Miss Mess. He went to the ISLAND HOUSE, almost drowned in the pool and then proceeded to get kicked out of some ones room. He could not answer “who, what, when where of how,”----that is exactly how he got the nickname.

SYBIL, the only Great White Whale from West Virginia, is back in town. Will be good to see her.

The major reason people get fired here is that they show up to work drunk, or do not show up at all. A sincere labor problem.

Guess the new fun at ABOBBY’S MONKEY BAR is to see who passes out first, BRIAN or BILLY.. Great sport.

SPIKE, JUNIOR and TIPSY’S dog is staying with Brian while they are vacation. Seems that he jumped in a hot tub that was 110 degrees. First, the dog does not like water and second no thing likes it that hot. How do we tell Junior and Tipsy they now have a cooked hot dog.

PETER’S old wreck of a car was parked outside my house for two days as were the old, used mattresses of the WEST VIRGINIA BOYS. The place looked like West Virginia and the property value went down 30%.

Met a new person at the 801 yesterday. Her name is JOY and she is. They should hire here to entertain the customers.

Sorry for nor photos yesterday. We had a technical problem- THE PHOT0OGRAPHER FORGOT TO TAKE ANY.

JUNIOR and TIPSY are off to a vacation with both their families in Myrtle Beach. Junior will not be back to work until the 27th----he is giving us a vacation from his mindless chatter. do not have many neurons left in my alcohol, aged ravaged brain and do not need his constant chatter to take them with useless facts.

The other day all of Gaytronia was in the bar together---the VICAR, PETER, WEST VIRGINIA BOYS, and BRITISH DAVID. We do not have street parties, we just drink.

The cracking down on bikes breaking traffic laws seems to be having some impact. I have seen at least four tickets given out in front of my house. Most of the offenders are locals who know better, but do not care. Good, pay the price.

REMINDER: Saturday morning from 7 to 10 am is BREAKFAST WITH GATOR at the 801. For a nominal fee you will get eggs, sausage, biscuits and gravy.

On Tuesdays from 6:30 to 8:30 you have AQUA IDOL at AQUA. This round profit’s the Waterfront Playhouse so I bet there is great talent.

Am addicted to the World Cup. Personally cheering for the Netherlands.

Am starting a rumor. HURLIN HELEN and TRIXIE are trying to sell off their furniture before they move to PALM SPRINGS. Am telling people no one will buy their shit and event the Salvation Army would not take it. Will miss those two.

Have something in my notes about OC-----know it is not OMAHA CRAIG---it is just too boring.

Got an e-mail from a British reader asking why the Americans are so mad with the British about the oil spill. First, we are not mad at the British-----they did not cause it, BP did. Second, BP has an awful history in North America of skirting the rules and taking shortcuts. Now we expect them to declare bankruptcy and try to get out of paying the bill

Everyone who comes here sees one of our spectacular sunsets. But how many have seen our sunrises. They are equally spectacular. The pinks, reds and blues are just beautiful. You just go to get up.

Disagree with KENNE a little. Yesterday he wrote that the police should have a bigger presence in the Pink Triangle. I am also upset about the recent attacks and muggings, but all I know about did not occur in the Pink Triangle----they were in residential neighborhoods. The only incident that happened in the Pink Triangle the police could not have stopped. It occurred inside a bar and the police were there within three minutes. Live in the Pink Triangle and see a police car at least once an hour---think they are doing a great job.

Met one of the new bartenders at 801 the other night. His name is CHARLIE and he is a great guy.

We are going into our “quiet time” when it is not so busy here. Still many tourists, but not like it is during the winter. Know businesses hate this time, but I love it. Still so much to do.

Yes there was a female topless march on the Fourth protesting that females can not go topless on the streets. It just did not last so long. Of all the issues in the world, this is important?

Do not know what cruise line it is, but every Wednesday we get the “fat peoples ship” in port. Do not know how that boat floats, but hope they charge them extra for food. And the miss use of spandex.

BONE ISLAND: BARE IT ALL WEEKEND is coming up on the 16th. Used to have most activities at the BOURBON STREET PUB but now the majority are at the ISLAND HOUSE.

PAUL and CLAUDE got their new puppy a French bulldog. Her name is BELLA. Adorable.

GATOR bought our puppy dog sun glasses. The poor thing is so embarrassed.

Hearing most everyone around the country had a great Fourth----well except for the people in OMAHA where a person we all know here, and who is from Omaha, conducted a seminar about the intricacies of how to be a bore. He should know, he is the authority.

Wow, what a weekend. Usually the Fourth of July is not our busiest weekend. But this one was very good. The clubs and restaurants were full. On the Fourth went down Duval about 4 pm. AQUA and KWEST had lots of people. Was at the 801 and they were full from the minute they opened.

The sand 801<.b> puts in each year is a bitch to locals, but visitors seem to love it and it is a draw.

BRITISH DAVID arrived yesterday for a month. MYSTERIOUS ALLEN will join him in two weeks. They are always fun.

BOBBY’S BRIAN got attacked Sunday morning. Has some face abrasions and bruised ribs. The attacker did not take anything. Always said he had a face you would love to punch. Even his mother says that.

Starting next Saturday breakfast will be served at the 801 from 7 to 10 am. It will be breakfast with GATOR. It will be eggs, sausage, gravy and biscuits. All for a nominal fee.

: Also from 7 am to 10 am anyone in the service industry can pay for one drink and get the next one free. This is true any day.

Hearing there was an incident at the BOURBON STREET PUB Sunday night. Not sure of all the details, hearing different versions, but it seems at least one dancer was involved. One of the fighters smashed a glass into the other one, resulting in police and fire department being called. Hope no tattoos on the dancer were hurt.

MAC, our bulldog puppy, has pretty much eaten all our plants. Hell, that is the only thing he can catch. I do not think I was that clumsy at four months.

Getting a part in a movie for BRIAN and BILLYS dog MAYBE. They are casting for a movie called “The Killer Rat” and he would be perfect.

The EQUATOR GUEST HOUSE is looking for a new front desk person. Contact them if interested.

The best thing about the 801 opening at 7 am is watching people bounce off the walls before noon. Right SQUARE ONE BRIAN?

GATOR: “Bartending is easy. If I can do it, anyone can.”

STEVE and HARRY, part of the early crowd at 801, would like a table put outside so they can wear housecoats and big hats and read their papers. Just call it the early show.

The 7 am opening of 801 is catching on. Good for them>

Love BOBBY’S MONKEY BAR. The addition of BRIAN as a bartender has not hurt. That place is crowded almost every night.

THOMASINA is off to the north country to meet up with RV. The KEY WEST INVASION OF FIRE ISLAND is starting. Know DESIRAY, GUGI, DEJA and GASSY WINDS will be going next week. Good luck Fire Island.

HURLING HELEN and TRIXIE woke up Friday morning with their car and scooter missing. Maybe a little too much of KWEST the night before. Good show jerks.

TREY, the newest 801 girl, got mugged on Truman at 7 am. Some girl grabbed his wallet at an ATM, jumped in a van and took off. Trey tried to get his hand in the window and got stabbed with a screwdriver. The police caught the people.

Stopped by DONNIE’S BAR on Truman the other day to ask a question. Looked at the patrons----did not know this island had that many rednecks. Thought I was at city hall on Big Pine Key.

Hearing great reviews of the monthly party for locals at KWEST. Great idea and really seems to be working.

Also hearing great reviews about the Fourth of July show at AQUA. The last show of this edition will be tonight at 9 pm.

LEATHERMASTER is sponsoring the MONDAY NIGHT MOVIES at the BOURBON STREET GARDEN BAR. It is a fun time. The movie begins at 8 pm.

How many tattoos do you need to dance at the BOURBON STREET? Twenty or thirty? Where is DANCER LEE and his boys when we need them.

Our host Dave Morgan from Reaction Production was great and spared no expense to entertain the group. It was non stop filled vacation. In Hollywood we ate at a Japanese Restaurant called Katsuya and the paparazzi were station out front waiting for celebrity sittings... (Hello just Trixie and Helen from Key West.) Have to know the “crème de la crème” to get reservations...it helped that the VP of Warner Bros. Studio was our host for the evening…

Accompanying us were two Kwest boys that had a model shoot on Sunday, (again another check off Helen's bucket list)...was an all day event and the boys were great and looked like A&F models… may see some up coming photos soon with some very popular name brand products…. ( no its not porn)....mmmmm spank bank went into overtime!

Speaking of Kwest, Tim and the boys had another monthly open house party last night sponsored by Blue Feather Vodka and MauWa Rum…ooh what a party….and some added class “Amanda Lay” was the special host! Food and drinks as always was bountiful… great party to come home to!

801 open at 7am?.....wow the Baroness and Enema can now drink breakfast… for them its like taking Viagra Christmas morning…with the sand on the floor they think they are on the beach in Hawaii… Nice to see the flame is still there at their age..ugg ..delete..delete..delete!

And yes as announced earlier this week Trixie and I will be leaving in August for life in Palm Springs...We have enjoyed our short five years here in Key West...but an opportunity has come our way that is hard to pass up..most of all we will miss the dear friends that we have made here. As dear mom would say "you have one life to live..so live it to the fullest!" or as Trixie would say “life is not a dress rehearsal!”

We are coming on the Fourth of July weekend. Lots going on. The 801 is covered in sand and palm frowns-----their annual Beach Party.

BOURBON STREET PUB is having a different party Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Friday night is the Red Party, Saturday night is the White Party, and Sunday is the Blue Party and pool party.

AQUA is having special shows on Friday, Saturday and Sunday at their nine pm show.

Great to see the West Virginia boys and Jim’s sister BARBARA and her daughter ASHLEY.

There still is no oil here and we may escape it entirely. Thank God Tropical Storm Alex missed the oil spill allowing the clean up to continue. The storm seems to have pushed some oil toward the Texas coast near Houston------do not wish that on anyone, but if you are going to hit anywhere hit the area around BP America headquarters.

What bothers me most about the oil spill is it is obvious to me that neither the oil companies nor the government know what to do with a deep water leak. This is after how many years of deep water drilling? Who makes policy in this country? Do I really want to ask that?

The BITCH SISTERS were out Monday and funnier than hell. Great to see them.

Reminder that the 801 is opening at 7 am Monday through Saturday. So far been a little slow until people get used to it.

Today is CANADA DAY -----the anniversary of the founding of the Confederation. I will be singing “O Canada” all day long-----so you may want to keep your distance.

BLUE MARLIN DAVID pulled a stupendous drunk on Monday. He spilled, not one, but three drinks in the 801 and does not remember being there. Maybe he and DING DING should form a club---except they would never remember the meetings.

More problems in Paradise. Got an e-mail containing today’s column, but my computer would not allow it to open. Hence no PISTOL AND ENEMA today. Will get it fixed by tomorrow.

DING-DING (aka CURRY> was wearing his bicycle helmet on Sunday. We strongly suggested that he does not take it off when he goes into the bar because it may help him when he falls of a bar stool or could help as a flotation device when he almost drowns in the pool. We could also wire it to give him a shock if he drinks tequila.

DING DING blames his brilliant performance of drunkeness last week on the VICAR who bought him a shot. What is wrong babes, you do not like communion?

The 801 is trying an experiment. They will be opening at 7 am for the next couple of weeks----Monday through Saturday. It started yesterday, but few people knew, so the turnout was slow. Advertising never hurt.

The WEST VIRGINIA BOYS are in town for an extended stay. I know this is true because my liver began to act up.

The 801 CABARET had some real drama on Saturday night during one of the shows. Two customers got so out of control the show was temporarily stopped. The problem seemingly came in how to stop it and whose responsibility is it. Well the situation did get handled, but there were some real internal discussions on Sunday on a process for handling situations like this one. Rumor was that the Cabaret shows for Sunday were cancelled.

Met a new bartender at the BOURBON STREET. His name is TODD and he really is a nice guy.

Have a feeling that OMAHA CRAIG thinks it is unfair that I pick on him even when he is back in Nebraska. He might be right, but it is just so easy and so much fun.

Happy Birthday to STEVEN who turned 69 yesterday. He and MICHAEL SANCHEZmade a whole day celebration out of the event.

HURLIN HELEN (aka DON) and TRIXIE (aka TROY) have decided to move to Palm Springs, California. We will certainly miss TRIXIE.

Actually we will really miss both of them. They are lots of fun and good friends. The NEW ORLEANS HOUSE will loose the best manager they have had since I have lived here. Not sure what the boys of KWEST are going to do with them gone.

Hearing OMAHA CRAIG finally sobered up when he got back to Omaha. Of all the places I can think of that is one city I would not want to be sober in.

RICHARD has been out a lot lately. Good guy and lots of fun.

Reminder, PISTOL AND ENEMA does not print on Mondays during the summer.

Should have never said there were no weather disturbances in the Gulf or the Atlantic. Now there are two. The first one is a tropical storm over Mexico and predicted to head to the Texas coast. The other is well out in the Atlantic and expected to head north and miss North America altogether.

Hearing DAVID ROSE and SAM did not destroy their friends wedding in New York. They must have been hung over.

BRIAN and CARLOS are back from their vacation in Puerto Rico. Would have mentioned it earlier, but I did not remember they were going and did not miss them when they were there. Well anyway, they had a good time.

The South Korean soccer team has a player with the last name of Dong Gook. Sure hopes he does not understand English slang. We cheered very hard for Dong Gook, but unfortunately his team lost so it will be four years before we can cheer for Dong Gook again.

Had a great time with BUNNY, BRUCE and PETER yesterday. One of the funniest lines came from Bruce: “At my age sex is just a gender.”

Several big weekends coming up. JULY 4TH will see lots of special events at the clubs. Check with your favorite club to find out what is happening.

July 16-18 is the semi annual BONE ISLAND: BARE IT ALL WEEKEND. If you like to take your clothes off this is the event.

All is good here again. MIKE and VIE are back from their vacation and FLAMINGOS is open again.

How about the USA in the World Cup. They have been great and their game against Algeria was truly exciting. No one predicted this, but it is great. Got a call from a friend in France who is wondering what is wrong with the world----France is home after a miserable performance and the US wins their group. Now I have to go out and buy a USA jersey after retiring my French one.

OMAHA CRAIG they are still cleaning the room you stayed in. How many times does it need to be fumigated? Obviously more than once.

GARY NOLAN got a new boxer puppy named BACCUS. He is just adorable.

Think the guys from Louisville are leaving soon-----hope they had a good stay.

Guess who is back in town-----LYNN PARKER. For the most part she enjoyed her fifteen month stay paid for by the state of Florida. She might want to return-----watch out Walgreens.

You can tell when HENRY cleans the 801. The smell of Pinesol permeates the premises for hours. It can be over powering. As MICHAEL SANCHEZ said, “This place smells like my mother‘s crotch.”

NICK, who works at BOURBON STREET, is developing a new nickname----NICKELDOODLES.

Drama at the BOURBON GARDEN BAR on Thursday afternoon. Some guy comes in and soon starts harassing our deaf friend TAFFY. He was told to leave, but did not go immediately. He had to be escorted out. Some tense moments.

At the same time DING-DING (aka CURRY) was giving an amazing performance of drunkeness.

Weekend was busy. Met a lot of great visitors, especially the two guys from Orlando and two from Belgium. The guys from Orlando were not too happy when I asked them to say to Mickey for me.

Walked around Saturday night and all the clubs looked very busy. you could not even get into AQUA and the 801 CABARET said it was one of their best nights ever.

GATOR’S good friend JENNY left Sunday. What a great gal and loads of fun.

The benefit for JT THOMPSON went very well. The GARDEN BAR was packed. The talent was good and TOM LUNA did a very good job hosting. Only difficulty was the music-----proves the DJ should not be drinking Jaeger.

SMART RIDE, a bike ride over two days from Miami to here, will take place in November. It is a benefit for AIDS Help. All levels of bike riders are encouraged to participate and volunteers are needed. Contact AIDS Help to enter or volunteer.

Some good news. There has been no oil from the Gulf oil spill found in the Keys or Dry Tortugas. The experts are revising their projections-----we may escape.

The other good news there are no storms in the Gulf or Atlantic that are forming into tropical depressions or worse. However still early in the season.

OMAHA CRAIG left Tuesday, much to our relief. However, this was off set by the return of HURLIN HELEN and TRIXIE from their vacation. Actually we will miss Omaha Craig until we see him in January and we welcome back Trixie.

RV BEAUMONT has left the island for about a month. He will be with his mother and sister. They will be going to Ohio, P-town, and Fire Island. Have a good trip my friend.

On his way off the Keys RV stopped in Miami for a chemo treatment. He did not get it because he has new tumors growing. When he returns he will get a more radical treatment.

We had some confusion on who was writing today, hence no one did. Catch you tomorrow,

Wednesday was the Island House mixer that is always the event to go to. But then I love hanging out with my guys (or is that my gays) and having them wait on me. If their clothes were any skimpier they would be wearing nothing at all. But that is fine with me. Who doesn’t like looking at beautiful bodies.

On Thursday I went to the Ms Pride event at Aqua, Congratulations to Alex. This event just keeps getting better and better. Glad I have already won it, not sure I would have even placed this year.

On Friday I debuted by new alter Ego at the Mr. Pride at Bourbon St Pub. But what the hell was I thinking of doing PRINCE in the 100 degree heat index, in a purple jacket, wig and makeup. I will have to rethink these things come next year. You would have thought I would have learned after 2 years ago doing Boy George for the Drag King competition. Congratulations to KP on his new title. I look forward to see what he has planned for this community in the coming year. Saturday was even better, with the street fair followed by Shann Carr at Bourbon. Shann and her little Ken doll were awesome. Her stories of her travels just keep you in stitches. I had the honor of spending time with her and Ken and I am so glad that I now have 2 more wonderful people in my life.

By Sunday I was running of fumes, but somehow managed to emcee the parade. Which I just want to say was an honor and so much fun. But I guess I don’t need to be on stage to get that rush, just put a mic in my hand and all my energy just comes right back. Afterwards I heading down to Tea Dance at La Te Da. It was packed and a lot of fun with Jr as DJ making us dance in the heat, whether we wanted to or not.

Somehow I managed to then drag my ass over to Bourbon to see Kristine W. I just want to say one thing about this, she was great no doubt. But she was only on stage for like 20 minutes. We thought she was taking a break when in fact it was over. What was that all about?

So if all these wonderful events don’t get you to get your butts to Key West for Pride you just don’t have it in yourself to have a great time. This town knows how to throw a party. And with the lesbians building the stages and the Drag Queens do the decorating, how the hell can we go wrong.

I am now trying to recuperate from the week’s events. I will have news regarding my health next week. Let’s just say I thought I was ready to come back to write full time with P&E when another problem has surfaced. Just please keep sending out prayers and > positive energy for me.

Yesterday started the column by stating “Not much to write about.” That might have been a poor choice of words since I have gotten numerous e-mails and verbal comments that I never write much. You are vipers out there, yes vipers.

Have not heard anything on CNN about DAVID ROSE, SAMMY, MATT HALL and ADAM visiting New York. It still must be standing.

Followed PORSCHE’S and GHOST TOUR ED’S advise yesterday. PORSHCE’S was “drink to be social and get rid of the shakes.” GHOST TOUR ED’S was “You can not be drunk all day unless you start in the morning.”

Love France and am really a Francophile, but they can make for the worst tourists. No matter what you tell them they can be very demanding and they refuse to tip bartenders and waiters. In this country service people make very low wages and really make their money off of tips------yet you refuse to tip more than a few cents. Other Europeans get it, but not the French.

Today is VICAR DON’S birthday. Congratulations, old coot.

MC GOO and his boyfriend were out yesterday. Think he lives on Stock Island where there are no dentists.

TROLL you had better get out and defend your position. There is a visitor here who looks like you and is out trolling you. Get out and defend.

Not much to say today. Although a lot was probably happening yesterday I was just not there----at least mentally.

Did you see TONY HAYWARD CEO of BP America testify before Congress. What an arrogant, evasive man. He looked like a mortician who was faking sadness. As the story unfolds think we are going to see BP cutting angles and costs. Could be criminal charges.

Think the hot weather is making JUNIOR shrink. You can hardly see him behind that bar.

The World Cup has been full of surprises and the come back by the US from being down 2 was magnificent. Not sure we got a chance to go on, but so far a good show.

The rock is pretty full this weekend, which is a good thing. Amongst our visitors are two of the most obnoxious visitors I have ever seen here. Way too much.

Told you I did not have much to say.

Heard some concern that another new gay bar might lessen the traffic at the others. Could not disagree more. The more gay bars you have, offering different types of activities, the more visitors you attract. If Key West wants to be a real gay mecca we need more clubs that are really nice.

DANCER LEE and JAKE left yesterday. They are two of our favorite dancers at the BOURBON STREET. They probably will not be back until FANTASYFEST.

Hearing great things about the revised AQUANETTES SHOW at AQUA. Will have to get down there and see.

Had a SOYBEAN sighting yesterday. All going well at ORCHID KEY. You will all be relieved, she has not combed her hair, so the natural habitat for the tree rats that live there is safe.

Also saw SURREY. She is running for FANTASY FEST QUEEN again. Do not know why she is not running for King.

Do not forget the TALENT SHOW for JT THOMPSON tomorrow night at 7 pm at the BOURBON STREET GARDEN BAR. It is for some of his recent medical expenses.

JUNIOR was so proud of himself---he cleaned out two ashtrays without being asked. Even the Irish can learn.

The Poinciana trees that are blooming are just beautiful. Thank god we do have one, Mac would eat it.

POSTAL WENDY has lost a lot of weight and is looking great. She even showed me one of her boobs to prove the point---had to go home with illness.

France lost yesterday to Mexico in the World Cup. Eh gads.

We have made OMAHA CRAIG a wild fan of World Cup soccer. He especially likes the 0-0 ties-----it reminds him of home and how boring it is.

Congrats to JULIE in Michigan on the birth of her baby.

Bartender change. GATOR will be the daytime bartender at 801 Saturday through Tuesday.

Warning for New York. DAVID ROSE, SAMMY, ADAM, LINDA and MATT HALL will be there for a week. David and Sammy are going to be groomsmen in a wedding. Hope they do not destroy it.

801 PAUL is healing well from his surgery last week. He feels a lot better, but still not sure when he can return to work.

Hearing rumors that if AQUA moves there are some people who want to get the old building and keep it a gay bar.

GATOR has a good friend from New Orleans visiting. Her name is JENNY and she is very nice. Only question is why is she friends with Gator?

There will be a TALENT SHOW Saturday, June 19 at 7 pm in the BOURBON STREET GARDEN BAR. It promises to be a different kind of talent show. Admission is free and it is a fund raiser to help JT THOMPSON with his medical expenses. After what JT has done for us this should be strongly supported.

The Sarasota crew has left. Bye, bye to CINDY, JIMMY and HOBBLE HOOF you were a lot of fun.

It is hot, hot, hot here. Summer came early. What is of even more concern is that the water temperature in the Atlantic is already high and storms are already coming off Africa. That usually does not happen until August. Could be a stormy year.

Great,great,great turnout for Pride Events this year.

I think my pups are happy that their Daddy is at home and lavishing them with lots of attention.

Well, the finally count of photos, starting with the painting of Mt. Trashmore is 4,590.

Lots of well planned events and great talent. I believe we should give a hand or a happy ending to Randy Detrick of whom ressurected and brought back the ole Gay Pride Energy.

Yes, it took everyone that participated to make it a success.

Congratulations to Alix---Ms. Pride

to Jamison---Miss Pride

to Marquee---Mr. Pride

You all were a true class act and brought many a tongues a drooling. I personally want to thank Deja for keeping me on track of where to go next...with lots of events running at the same time it wasn't always easy, Thanks to texting friends; I believe with the coverage of all the photographers-professional and otherwise..we should have alot of material circling the web.

Kristine W. and Shan Karr were a true treat...I would have enjoyed hearing more from both of them.

Our street fair was packed and amazingly alot of foot traffic on such a hot and humid day. You can't control Mother Nature, who created a beautiful thunderstorm...in which cancelled the street dance,but everyone took it in stride and partied on.

The spirit of Key West was a beautiful site and I believe even with the bad press of Oil and possible Hurricanes...Everyone knows in Key West the party most go on.

Every club seemed to work very well together and I think you can see that when everyone works together ---True Success is a fruitful one.

Only a few drunken misunderstands...I admit to being one of them. I believe when you have a small group of locals out every day and night trying to put an event together---Personal feelings and emotions will run high. So to Mr Rose, I apologize...since I am in a fog on what happened and knowing I can take things a lil personal...Again my apologizes.

Congratulations to Matthew Hall on his new opportunity of Asst. Manager of Special Events at Aqua. He will be a missed treasure at 801 I am sure.

From the opening at Island House with a tremendous turnout and energies running high, to the ending parade,t-dance and concert with Kristine W.----I must say I am glad to be a member of this community.

Junior thanks for lending an ear. Gugi, thanks for helping me to get everyone together in those stressful moments.

There were lots of activities and people to thank and appreciate....So a big thank you to all involved...Truelly One Human Family.

PRIDEFEST 2010 is over. Asked a lot of people how they think it went and the general conclusion was very good. Lots of people, events well planned and going off without many problems, all to the good. Given the great transitions the BUSINESS GUILD has had in the last few months, they did an excellent job. Kudos.

The PRIDEFEST PARADE on Sunday was a great event. Very crowded and lots of people. Only complaint heard was that it was too hot. The bars in the Pink Triangle were jammed well before, during and after the parade.

I finally escaped all the noise and crowds and went to KWEST with TENNESSEE TIME. Was much more relaxed-----great place to escape----likeBOBBY’S.

KRISTI NE W gave a great performance at the BOURBON STREET GARDEN BAR Sunday night that was well attended.

During the afternoon KRISTINE W wanted a sound check without customers there so the Garden Bar was cleared. Problem was it was full of people. PETER RYDER got “escorted” out muttering that Mr. Schroeder was going to here about this.

FLAMINGO CAFÉ is closed until next Monday so MIKE and VIE can take a vacation.

HURLIN HELEN and TRIXIE are off on a much deserved weeks vacation. With them gone, and many of the tourists leaving, this rock should quiet down-----thank god we need the break.

Our puppy, MAC just had his three month birthday and now weighs over 20 pounds. He has a great personality and is going to be a great dog. He is still is not completely house broken, but then again, neither is GATOR.

On Saturday the BARONESS asked BROOKES if he could the underwear he was wearing. Brookes immediately gave them to him. Want to see Peter in them.

On Saturday morning saw some people who went to the PURGATORY PARTY at 801 Friday night. Must have been some party because these people were paying the penalty.

BP has a full page ad every day in the local newspaper----promising they will make it as if the oil spill never happened. That is just bull shit, and think they know it. What about the wildlife that has already died?

KP is the 2010 MR. PRIDEFEST. Heard his act was amazing. He is talented. BILLY was the runner up.

The STREET FAIR yesterday was great. Seemed all the spaces were taken. Good food, lots of booze and lots of people. All was going well and the street dance had started when a heavy thunderstorm hit. Sort of ended that.

On Saturday, the BOURBON STREET PUB GARDEN BAR let women in and the place was packed. Some women came, no one complained, and it was a great time. All I could thin of was “One Human Family.”

Seemingly, PRIDEFEST has gone well. Most of the events have been well attended and there certainly lots of people here. Today may tell the story with the PRIDEFEST PARADE being at 2 pm. Lots going one, check with your favorite club to see what is happening today.

One thing I love about an event like PRIDEFEST is that you see a lot of people you normally do not see, like RODNEY (aka ANGIE BABY) and visitors who come here a lot, like DAVID KING from Michigan.

SQUARE ONE BRIAN and I saw one of the fattest woman ever. BRIAN said, “She has more Chins than China.”

AQUA is planning to move. The new AQUA will be on Pretonia and Whitehead-----a block off Duval. Have not seen the plans, but those who have said it will be gorgeous. A cabaret, pool, outside bar, restaurant. The pink triangle will expand. Good luck JILL and SANDY in completing this project. It would be a wonderful addition.

Sports news. If Nebraska enters the Big Ten will the IQ of the Big Ten go down? Also, the WORLD CUP started yesterday. I love the World Cup-----my favorite team is France, but not sure they have much of a chance.

The PRIDEFEST STREET FAIR is today on the 700 and 800 block of Duval. Lots of booths, booze and entertainment. After the booths shut down the party continues with dancing in the streets.

GATOR went on the Sebago Cruise and Snorkeling boat yesterday. Said it went great, was beautiful and there were about 50 people. His only comment was that he was the only local, all the rest were visitors.

Went to MR. PRIDEFEST last night, but they wanted me to pay full admission even after I told them I was there to cover for P&E. That did not make any difference, so I left. Do not expect to get coverage without press passes.

Am really sorry I missed it because I wanted to see NICK’S group do their number and well as some of the contestants.

BRUCE and BUNNY are off to Germany to visit some friends and take the boat trip down the Rhine. That is a beautiful trip.

DANCER LEE had his birthday yesterday. He says he is 29----that is about the tenth year we have heard that.

More bartender changes. MATT HALL will be leaving the 801 in a few weeks and going to AQUA. More are coming.

RUSTY RHODES, WYNN and GARY had a beautiful brunch Sunday for LINDA HALVERSON (aka LH) who is leaving the island to take care of an ailing parent.

Some big PRIDEFEST events today. At 12:30 pm SEBAGO is having a male only snorkeling and sail trip. There is a locals discount. The captain will be CAPTAIN SASSY and the DJ will be JUNIOR Tonight at 8pm is the MR. PRIDEFEST CONTEST at the BOURBON STREET GARDEN BAR. I know they have been working hard to make this contest very entertaining.

OMAHA CRAIG is in town for the next two weeks. That means we all will get better sleep thanks to his boring conversation.

Sorry for no photos today, but our photographer went to the mainland and forgot to leave the camera. We will have some tomorrow.

The Kick Off Party for PRIDEFEST at Island House was a great success. Good start.

Although there were few contestants, due to late cancellations, JAMISON is this years MISS PRIDEFEST.

Wow Pride is here and the town is filling up...guesthouses and hotels’ selling out fast….nice bump for the month of June....Helen doesn’t mean the Bahama Village kind?

Mr. Pride Pageant in the garden bar on Friday night 8pm ...should be quite the entertaining show... with Mr. Pride 2009 Nick producing the event...and the line up of guest performers and dancers...enough to make Helen think about missing a night at cabbage land?(not will be late)

Saturday's Street Fair should be rocking with food, drinks, info, performers, music and Helen heard Carny Jim (801) will have the circus out?

Not to be missed...Sunday's Post Parade pool party in the BSP garden bar at 4pm with Miami's DJ George and the Beef on the Reef dancers.... then special performance by Kristine W. at 8 pm...What a way to end pride!

Tickets only $20.00 for general admission at the car gate.

A special V.I.P. section available on the second floor balcony for $40.00! (Tickets available at Saturday's street fair at BSP booth) www.bourbonlivekw.com....sponsored by Reaction Production

Dancer Lee stated while watching the news...look at all the penguins they are covered in oil?...those are pelicans not penguins...ooh I am just a pretty (old) go go boy what do I know...with global warming coming re-location will be next?…

Happy Birthday Lee... bitch what’s your secret?

Dancer Vinny from Ohio… pretty Italian boy… but honey all your puppies don't bark?

mmmm…. do steroids affect both heads?

Aqua has recently announced future expansion...wow entrance to Bahama Village on Whitehead will look different this time next year, with new night club,(all welcome) garden bar, pool ,cabaret and restaurant...you go girls....a much needed touch of class! Helen heard it’s a cross between Dante’s and Atlantic Shores with an architect from Disney involved should be quite the Aqua Splash!

Helen and Trixie headed on vacation next week, first stop Las Vegas for 2 days...for a Cher concert with back stage passes...then to Palm Springs for a week...long needed break...ooh best of all… private jet!...eat that bitches!

Kudos going out to John Mumford’s creative juices and the artistic talents of Rick Worth for putting words into action. John, Rick and several volunteers spent two days and lots of burnt backs painting the beautiful Pride flag on Mt. Trashmore.

Wednesday--June 9th the day the Kickoff of Pride begins. The Guild Mixer is being held at the islands prime party spot--the Island House at 6 pm. The fun does not stop there as following the party Lateda will be holding the Miss PrideFest Key West Pageant at 8 pm. Jessica Deveraux will be giving the crown to one of our lovely boys as a girl. Good luck Chicas.

Several fun events planned and make sure you do not miss a thing. Pick up a Gay Rag or Keynoter that both list schedule of events.

New this year will be a hospitality “sweet” at 623 Duval sponsored by Swankey Events. Nice to have them on board.

I will just quickly list a few spotlight events: Thursday, June 10th ----Ms Key West Pageant at Aqua at 9 pm.

Friday, June 11th---Mens snorkeling and sailing with Sebago at 12:30.-----Broadway Cares from 5 to 8 pm at the Waterfront Playhouse and directly following head to the Bourbon Street Pub for Mr. Key West Pride. Nick has a special treat for you. This man has true talent and plans to bring the crowd to its knees---literally.

Saturday June 12th---Carnivale Street Fair with talented performers from Mallory Square and those in our own Pink Triangle. Dancing will last through the night. All the clubs have excellent DJs and fagulous events this evening…so pick your poison or just bar hop like the locals do. Brookes, new bartender at Kwest, has requested your lusty bodies and see what they have cooking. Rumors of a fetish party at 801 have been confirmed. Enter in the rear at One Saloon----time to bring kink out of the closet.

Sunday June 13th---I am sure some of you need to repent.. MCC will be holding a special Pride service at 10 am on 1215 Petronia. Got your spirit refilled and it is time to stop at the Island House for their Pre-Tea Pool Party….Quickly, off like a prom dress and we are ready for the Equality and Diversity Pride Parade. The parade will start at 2 pm. Pick your favorite spot. It is not over until the Fat Lady sings…and trot your ass down to LaTeDa for a stupendous T-dance with DJ Junior spinning the tunes.

Still more to go---so down for a quick disco nap and head down to Bourbon Street to hear the vocal talents of Kristine W---doors open at 7 pm and I guarantee that this will be the show you will be talking about in your nursing home years later.

Happy birthdays to Bobby Schrom, Ryan Acker, Steven Kramer, Larry Rosignoli, Frank Wood, Shawn Clark and Debra Dean. And happy anniversary to Michael McCabe and Ralph Garcia…Pamela Childs and Rhonda Florence.

Everyone have a fun filled week…party and play safe. Remember a cab ride is a lot cheaper than a DUI.

Correcting some confusion. DANCER LEE is popular dancer at BOURBON STREET. He is a totally different person than LEE the LEECH,

DRAG KARAOKE was another hit Sunday. However, it was not as crowded as usual, but nothing was last weekend.

801 PAUL had some out patient surgery on Friday and will be off definitely for three weeks, maybe up to six weeks. MARK will be subbing for him.

Had a small protest on Duval yesterday. It was called “Sea to STILL Shining Sea.” It consisted of people holding hands and getting into the street. Will do absolutely no good, but it made use feel better.

This place is vacant------but it will pick up with PRIDEfest.

Tomorrow starts PRIDEfest. The activities for Wednesday are the Official Kickoff Party at the Island House from 5:30 to 7:30. The cost is $20 per person.

At 6 pm at the TROPIC CINEMA will be the Aids Help Film Festival showing of “Key West: City of Colors.” It is free.

At LATEDA at 8 pm is the MISS PRIDEFEST KEY WEST COMPETITION. It is only for female impersonators. The cost is $20 per person.

Some discussion about the Pridefest Parade being on Sunday at 2 pm. May be a great idea, we will see. Some concern about it is the day many leave and being too hot in the afternoon. Only time will tell.

Met a great couple from Greenbumfuck, North Carolina. Hope their ship did not sink on the way out.

Yesterday was JOHNY LOVES birthday. Pray tell how old he is.

Seems the TROLL got wasted at the SURVIVORS PARTY and went nuts during the auction. He bought a $245 bike for BLUE MARLIN DAVID. The problem is that DAVID does not ride a bicycle, nor has he ever. So if you see a middle aged man riding a bike with training wheels say hi to DAVID.

TROLL is also receiving calls about other things he bought. Good show boy. You are the heavy on odds favorite for this years Golden Plunger Worst Drunk Award.

With a major disaster possibly approaching us, what is the major topic of discussion. You guessed it----the death of RUE MCLANAHAN. Now how queer is that.

Notice that the PRIDEFEST PARADE is going to be on Sunday afternoon, June 13th. In the past it has been on Saturday night. Bars and restaurants are planning specials and shows around the parade so check with your favorite establishment.

There are some birthdays at the 801. PAUL had his, as well as TREY. Needless to say, TREY is a lot, lot younger than PAUL.

The island is a little slow this weekend. Well we just had Memorial Day (which was great) and GAY DAYS are going on at Disney World. However, next is pretty booked here----getting ready for a party.

Our friend MONTY, formerly from the island is back for a couple of weeks. Good to see him. Think he might be coming back at least for the winters.

BOURBON STREET was packed last night. Could it be that DANCER LEE, JAKE, and VINNIE are back in town and bringing them in? LEE also promises that POCKO will be back for PRIDEFest.

Have a photo page problem. Seems our photographer got drunk on Friday night, did not get out of bed on Saturday, hence no photos for today.

Mount Trashmore, our local dump on Stock Island, now has the gay colors on it------therefore it must time for PRIDEFEST.

Actually PRIDEFEST begins on Wednesday, June 9 and runs through Sunday, June 13th. Here are the schedule of events:

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 9

KICK OFF PARTY at the ISLAND HOUSE, 5:30-7:30.

AIDS HELP FILM FESTIVAL at the TROPIC CINEMA featuring the film “Key West, City of Colors”, 6-8pm.

THE MISS PRIDEFEST COMPETITION at LA TE DA starting at 8 pm.

THURSDAY, JUNE 10:

AIDS HELP FILM FESTIVAL: TROPIC CINEMA at 6 pm. Film is “Two Spirits.”

WOMEN ON THE WATER SUNSET CRUISE at Sebago 6:30 pm.

THE MS. KEY WEST PRIDE COMPETITION at AQUA at 8 pm.

FRIDAY, JUNE 11: MEN ONLY SNORKEL AND SAILING ADVENTURE at Sebago, 12:30 pm.

BROADWAY CARES/EQUITY FIGHTS AIDS BRINGS BROADWAY TO KEY WEST, staring Felicia Finley and Kevin Spirtas at Waterfront Theatre at 6 and 8 pm.

BAD GIRLS PARTY AND DRAG KING CONTEST at PEARLS at 8 pm.

MR. KEY WEST PRIDE COMPETITION at BOURBON STREET PUB AT 8 PM.

SATURDAY, JUNE 12:

STREET FAIR <.b> ON 700 AND 800 block of Duval from 11 am to 7 pm.

SUNDAY, JUNE 13TH:

PRIDE PARADE, 2 pm.

There is a detailed explanation of each event, and cost, on pridefestkeywest.com. Lets all have a good time.

BROOKES is working a lot more days at KWEST. He took off his cock ring the other day and PETER licked it. PETER said it was delicious.

Went to DUELING BARTENDERS Monday night. It is a sad state of affairs when GASSY WIND’S wig looks better than RANDY THOMPSONS. Then GASSY told us he was not wearing his fat suit-----we could not tell the difference.

JIM BABBS was in town for a couple of days from Ft. Laundrydale. Good to see him.

We are officially into hurricane season and the media is already going nuts. Happens every year.

POSTAL WENDY has lost thirty pounds and is looking great.

OMAHA CRAIG had to delay his trip here due to illness in his family. He will be coming, but he just does not know when.

BRIAN (of BILLY and BRIAN) got a little buzzed on Memorial Day. Enough so, CAT said to him: “When your not drunk I need to talk to you about your drinking.” Good luck finding that moment.

People are getting very edgy here about the Gulf oil spill. BP took out a full page ad in our local paper yesterday stating they would clean it all up. Did not go well with those who saw it. As of yet we have had no effects, but the Dry Tortugas (80 miles west of us) is expected to get some oil today. BP has opened a claims office here since they are getting claims from fishermen and hotels.

Wow what a weekend, great way to end high season…bars, guesthouses and restaurants all report better sales than last year…..die hard Key West fans said fuck it to the oil spill and gave us great support! And in return we gave them a great weekend…and Mother Nature was at her best! Can’t wait for Pride Weekend!

As Helen promised a special concert in the Garden Bar (BSP) after the Pride parade on Sunday June 13th, doors open at 4pm for a pre concert pool party and then Reaction Production brings us pop idol Kristine W. from the Bourbon Live Series at 8 pm…tickets only $20.00 and can be purchased at the door! …All Welcome…Car gate will be open for ticket sales and garden bar entrance only!

As usual with the producer of reaction production in town for the weekend, Trixie, Helen and the gang along with Bruce Vilanch and Scott Nevins (major fem) tore up the pink triangle…no major black outs to report…thank god….but livers could use a rest… how do Enema and the Baroness do it every day…blood must be pure grain 100 proof by now!

From Police Log in Sarasota Florida

An elderly Florida lady came back from shopping and noticed four guys leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her bags and pulled a gun out and yelled get out of my car! The four strangers stopped and got out of the car and ran. The Floridian proceeded to load her bags in the car and try to put the key in the ignition… the key would not fit and then she noticed a football and12 pack of beer on the passenger seat??

At odds… she gazed across the parking lot and noticed her car sitting two rows over!

She immediately went to the local police department to report what had happen….. the desk sergeant could not stop laughing? …sitting on the other side of the window was four guys reporting that a crazed old woman with a gun had just car jack them! When was the Baroness in Sarasota?

If you are not crashed out on a couch or sunning on a lounge chair in recovery from a long Memorial Day weekend; my hat is off to you.

Looked to me like a helluva busy weekend with lots of lovely eye candy to enjoy. Hopefully the hospitality industry made enough money to keep a float until the next holiday. Memorial Day weekend has been known in the past as the end of our busy season for a little while. Which now means our Sister Season has begun. {For those of you that don't understand the term...it is when locals start having sex with locals.}

I am sure we all have been following this Gulf Spill and the latest cheerful news has it that Scientist have successful created a microbe which eats this oily waste and will not damage the eco-system or cause harm to humans. This is hope I am willing to hold on to and I hope bureaucracy does not block this from becoming a means to an end.

June 3rd should be on your calendar drawn in rainbow colors and circled. John Mumford, whom after September 11th, took a crew up to Mt. Trashmore and orchestrated the painting of the American Flag to honor those who losed their lifes; will once again bring locals together to paint a huge Pride Flag in the same spot. This will be able to be viewed by planes flying overhead and a way to give Key West some postive publicity.

Pride Events have already been organized and should prove to be even better than last year. If you have not been online in awhile: Obama has recognized the Gay,Lesbian,and Transgender Community for the month of June. It also looks like the " Don't Ask, Don't Tell" will be repealed. Hopefully really good news for our officers and soldiers that are still forced to hide in the closet.

Congratulations to JT and his crew of volunteers for raising an estimate of 10 grand or more from the benefits and fundraisers held during this holiday. You have to love this community for its undying support to worthy charities.

Nice to see new faces bartending at our local watering holes.. A big welcome to Bill..[the zany sidekick of Brian from Bobby's Monkey Bar], which will be working at Bourbon St. Pub. A big welcome to my friend Mark,{the Evil One}, who is working at 801 as we speak. These two should bring much joy and entertainment during your drinking experience.

FYI....Your bartenders work for tips. They serve you drinks and do their best to engage you in conversation and pretend to be interested in your bitching sessions. This in no way gives you the right to grab them by their clothing; try to grope or physically be agressive to them in anyway. Would you want someone to do that to you while you are trying to peddle your palm frawn hat? I don't think so.

Make someone smile today by doing a Random Act of Kindness!!!

All going well on GAYRONIA STREET(known to others as Petronia). We now have a new addition -----the Emphesema Choir. It consists of VICAR DON, GATOR and myself who have smoking coughs in the morning. Now with the addition of RV BEAUMONT to the street we have another alto.

This place was crowded this weekend. All the Guest Houses and Hotels I went by were full. That is good for us. So far the oil slick is way off our coasts and everything is beautiful.

Had a discussion who was the craziest bartender in the Pink Triangle. The finalists were MATT HALL (801), JUNIOR (BOURBON STREET), SAM (LA TE DA), and DAVID ROSE (AQUA). No clear winner, so went on to who was cutest. That automatically eliminated DAVID ROSE.

We just realized OMAHA CRAIG will be returning next week. We are all making alternative travel plans and certainly not to Omaha.

There was some discussion about the fact that the BOURBON STREET GARDEN BAR’S ban on women violated either state or local law because there is no membership required. Thought it was a ridiculous argument since any bar can ban people for any reason. Not saying I love this decision, but let them run their bar the way they see fit. If you do not like it, do not go.

Our puppy, MAC is doing great. GATOR put up a doggie fence to block Mac’s access to his room. Mac must have immediately pushed it down and peeded on his floor. Power to the doggies.

BITCH SISTER’S KELLY birthday was yesterday. Happy birthday babes.

Am thrilled with the selection of RECCA TOMILSON as Business Guild Director. She has organized WOMENSFEST in the past and has done an excellent job---we have used Womensfest as an example of an excellent event.

SISTER SEASON has had a good week. Last Friday the BOTTLE CAP allowed Sister Season to run Happy Hour. They made over $3200 from the tips of the guest bartenders. Thanks RAGS, MATT HALL and BSP SHAWN.

Yesterday was the annual SISTER SEASON SURVIVORS PARTY. Over 250 people attended, even if it was a very hot day. Do not know how much was raised.

(It would be a damn shame if we can’t own a Canadian.)

PS(Editor’s note: If I am not mistaken, Dr. Laura, Leviticius also states a woman’s head should be covered and she should remain quiet unless spoken to. How do you want to be smitten?

There have been two guys from New Orleans who have been visiting for over a week and left today. They were good guys and we hope they return.

Oh my god, MANAGER BOB actually bought us a drink the other day. Never expected that.

LEECH (aka LEE) arrested for a parole violation. Wonder if we will ever see him again.

Reminder of the SURVIVORS PARTY at SOUTHERNMOST CAFÉ sponsored by the SISTER SEASON FUND on Monday. It starts at 4 pm and goes until dusk. The cost is $20 with free food and a cash bar. There will be games, raffles, music. It is a tradition here and one of the best times.

Hearing nothing but great reviews about the BRUCE VILANCH and SCOTT NEVINS SHOW at the BOURBON STREET PUB.

We are only two weeks away from PRIDEFEST which will be June 9 to 13.

SQUARE ONE BRIAN was totally zoned yesterday. Do not know what medication he is taking, but it looks like fun.

SPARKY is in town for the weekend. Great to see him.

Have you ever noticed when JUNIOR is bartending he never cleans ash trays, and it is almost as hard to get a drink when he is talking (which is all the time.)

Seems like a long time since I have written so here we go.

AQUA SANDY and JILL went to the mainland last weekend and as they were about ready to return SANDY filled the gas tank. Unfortunately, she put diesel fuel in a regular gas car. There return was delayed. SANDY is now officially a “Diesel Dyke.”

Every time I look at CHUCK KISSINGER I think of Czar Nicholas II-----they look just alike.

KARAOKE with JEFF and GUGI last Sunday was a hoot. They do put on a show. The 801 was packed-----probably the most popular karaoke at least on this part of the island.

Had a JT THOMPSON sighting. He is getting more mobile every time I see him. That is good news.

After about a year away from the bars VINCENT has returned----only about thirty pounds heavier. Wonder how long it will take him to get banned again from the bars.

Am proposing a new city ordinance. It is that fat women can not wear Spandex in public. If they violate the ordinance they are put in the window of Dogs on Duval.

GATOR and I have a new puppy. It is a Victorian Bulldog and is ten weeks old. His name is MAC and he is already the best dog.

When a comment was made that MAC will not be a lap dog, BILLY (of BRIAN and BILLY) said, “Well PORSCHE may have a big enough lap.

Speaking of BILLY he is now a bartender at the BOURBON STREET PUB.

CURRY (aka DING DING) put on quite an exhibition of intoxication Monday. It was really entertaining. Of course PAUL THE RAG played with his phone and so the next day when he sobered up they were all sorts of weird messages. That is what you get.

After RANDALL had finished sex with his last trick he asked the trick how it was for him. The trick responded, “Arf Arf.”

Saw PETER and LITTLE JOHN walking down the street together-----what a cute couple.

Bourbon St. live has three shows this Memorial Day weekend in the Garden Bar. Comedian and writer Bruce Vilanch Today and Friday at 9pm... tickets available at the door for $20.00 and on Sunday Scott Nevins young attractive comedian from New York... Showtime 8pm and tickets available at the door for $15.00… Also Kristine W. will be performing live in the Garden Bar (8pm) along with a post parade pool party after the Pride Parade on June 13th at 4pm. All tickets are available online at www.bourbonlivekw.com

With all the entertainment, full moon and the local Guesthouses sold out....this should be a good long needed end to high season for the bars and restaurants.

Congratulations to Rebecca Tomilson the new Director of the KWBG. (Key West business guild) With new board members and a new director... long needed changes will be welcomed!

Happy Hour at Kwest has added a new addition "Weesa" also known as Brookes (formerly of BSP) aka Amanda Lay.... Sunday thru Wednesday...had the opportunity to be there this week..."so different in the daylight".... one end of the bar had an average age of 35... and the other end was an average of 75...then the Baroness walk in and the average rose to 105!

Must see movie if your stuck indoors all weekend on HBO...The Other Sister...be sure you have Kleenex on hand! Fox dropped the Wanda Sykes show...but you can see Porsche this summer on Fire Island!

Producer for Bourbonlive David arrived yesterday for the weekend....Helen, Trixie and the gang.. Livers have been rested and waiting.... another finger banging...ass licking...drunken weekend...oooh standing appointment for Helen at the clinic on Tuesday ???

Hello beautiful Island of mine. I am back from my little vacation from P&E. Sorry I have been away so long, but have been dealing with some things that I am sure none of you wanted to read about on a weekly basis.

During my time away, I did a lot of soul searching. Which is a fancy name for therapy? I know the consensus around the island is that there isn’t a Drag Queen on this Island that can “fem-me-up”. I have realized it is all my older sisters fault. I know you were thinking I was gonna say it was my mother’s fault. But I have the world’s best mom and this is NOT the Geraldo show. We didn’t have any sisterly rivalry. It was whatever she did, I wanted no part of. Which included wearing dresses and makeup? I would so much rather wear my brother’s hand-me-downs than hers. And since I was 3 years younger, my parents would send me on her dates with her. (In which I am sure she enjoyed my company…..NOT….LOL). But I think this is what formed my childhood years. Watching my sister make out with teen age boys. It was NOT that she was my sister. But EWWWW, watching straight teen agers make out is just GROSS.

When we were young, her Barbie’s were safe from me. I would rather play with my brother’s Lincoln logs and rector set any day, and later finding his Play Boy magazines. Now that is what I’m talking about. But really…. We are complete opposites. She likes penises and I like shopping for penises. (And they come in so many pretty shapes, sizes and colors.) She dated boys while I planned my escape from rural Indiana. She wanted to be a girl scout; I wanted to eat a Brownie. She got straight A’s in Home Ec. I got A’s in wood shop. The least she could have done was teach me how to use a curling iron without burning myself. I’m just sayin’!!!!

Now I realize that my men friends are more fem than my sister ever was. (And she was a cheerleader). They have more skin care products in there bathrooms than I have cargo shorts in my dresser. But my guys have taught me the art of Dyke accessorizing. Where fem women match their lipstick to their outfit, or their handbag to their shoes. I have learned to match my fanny pack to my flip flops, and my backpack to my scooter. It’s all about how you prioritize. And face it….. it takes a lot of work to look this butch.

Well the Oil Spill is not here and given its latest track it might miss us all together.

Heard some oil company executives say they will clean it up-----not if it gets into the mangrove swamps or hit’s the coral reef. Why are they so arrogant and not conscious of what is going on----and they still have no way of capping it.

Frankly all is good here. The weather is almost perfect and our hotels and guest houses are full. As of yet, we have not been hit by the cancellations.

The only good thing about this incident is that discussion of opening Florida to off-shore drilling seems to be a dead issue.

Although the island is full, and people are having fun, there is not much to write about------so we have made the decision not to write any more on Mondays through the summer season. Gives us more time to drink. Talk to you on Tuesday.

JUNIOR: “PETER is King Fossils age.”

CURRY is not called Ding Ding because he drives a trolley, but because he is dingy.

PETER: “I do not eat peasant food.”

The rumor is not true. I do not follow guys into the bathroom. Well at least not much.

JUNIOR: LOGAN LUGNUTS mother should not have conceived him-----she should have swolled him.

Had some tourists at the GARDEN BAR yesterday who all looked like rats, except the one who was ruby rd cheeks. The ran up quite a tab and left JUNIOR $2.50. We will remember them.

Had an e-mail from a couple who just moved here. Although they love Key West, they wondered about some of our recent reportings of muggings and anti women statements. The reason we wrote about them is that they are unusal. All the people who made the situation are not from the island and we won’t tolerate it. You are fine and we are in Paradise.

Lots going on today. POKER at AQUA this afternoon; DRAG KARAOKE at 801 and GAY BINGO with RV BEAUMONT at 801 CABARET; and T-DANCE with JUNIOR at LaTeDa.

TIPSY fall and go boom boom walking the dogs. He is now a member of the Boom Boom Club.

MARK, the new bartender at the 801 during the day, is a good guy. Stop by and see him.

RUMOR: DAVID ROSE has a crush on TIPSY. How sweet.

What is this about RANDALL laying on the floor of the front bar of the BOURBON and playing with a dog. Okay, how he got three ways makes sense. He never said they were human beings.

CLAUDE now has an official Blue Ribbon Ass.

CURRY (aka DING DING) about men: :”I do not care if they are dead----as long as they have a certain degree of rigor mortis left.”

JUNIOR: “All I got is a partner with pretty eyes and a big dick.”

TAFFY’S> birthday was yesterday. Can not find a nicer guy.

JUNIOR: “My paper boy is right, I am just an evil, evil person.”

There is nothing like drag queen drama. It goes on and on and does not result in anything-----just more drama.