P&E has been holding a poll online. The question is “In 2010 what should be held.” Following are the choices and the percentage supporting each:

PRIDEFEST KEY WEST:2010: 70.5%

PRIDEFEST KEY WEST 2010: Diversity in Paradise 25.6%

DIVERSTIYFEST: Pride Celebration 3.9%

At least this shows there is little support for DIVERSITYFEST and not much more for PRDIEFEST KEY WEST: Diversity in Paradise. Still have nothing official from GLCC on what they intend to do.

PAUL the RAG (aka SWEET PUSSY PAULINA) has a birthday this weekend. Think he said he was going to be 42.

Usually do not really like obituaries, but the one for DEIRDRA PIERCE was special. Not only was it informative, but her personality, and it was a great one, came through. It was not only charming, but touching.

Did not make it to MISS FIRECRACKER but do know JAMIESON won the title. Know some other writers in P&E went so more details will be forth coming.

Need to say something about TERRY PAULSEN. He, and his partner, DEREK, do so much for others on this island with little acknowledgement. They are like just so many others here-----who give and give of their time and efforts to help others. It is one of the things that make this place so special.

FLAMINGO’S CAFÉ will be closed July 6 to 17th. My stomach is already growling.

PAUL THE RAG is such a hopeless slut------I am so jealous. As JUNIOR says: “There is no shame in his game.”

This afternoon at AQUA LENORE TROIA will be performing, plus the AQUANETTES will be having two shows tonight and tomorrow night.

Yesterday was CANADA DAY. Kept humming O Canada all day. Even had a shot to the queen------just not sure which one is the real Queen.

Coming up on the FOURTH OF JULY WEEKEND. Much is planned. 801 BOURBON is having its annual BEACH PARTY WEEKEND. They cover the floor with sand and away they go. BOURBON STREET PUB is having numerous events, with a bunch of contests on the Fourth. Stop by and check their schedule.

On July 17-19 is the semi-annual BONE ISLAND: BARE IT ALL WEEKEND. Always quite the event. Check their website www.NakedKeyWest.com. For a complete listing of events.

On August 20-23 will be the annual TROPICAL HEAT weekend. Check www.TropicalHeatKW.com for all the events.

A revival of great old weekend comes with KEY WEST BEAR FEST September 12-20. This used to be a big event here, and one that we hope will be revived. Check www.KeyWestBearFest.com for details.

The WEST VIRGINIA BOYS are in town for a couple of weeks. Thursday was DAVID’S Birthday------never did find out how old he was.

LEATHERMASTER is open full time now and has some really great specials going on. Stop by and see them.

JUNIOR about HURLIN HELEN: “He is fruity he cures scurvy.”

HRULIN HELEN to JUNIOR:”Keebler is calling back workers and off to the shire to work you go.”

SYBIL we ALMOST miss you, with the operative word being ALMOST. We are going out on a boat and hoped we would see a whale.

Thanks to the WEST VIRGINIA BOYS I have not been bombed by 1:45 pm in a long time.

JUNIOR gave us a seminar in the correct use of lubes. In short, oil based lube stains, water based lube does not.

Where has the BOURBON been getting its dancers from lately------Shady Pines?

♫ Can you, feel a, Brand New Day? ♫

♫ Can you, feel a, Brand New Day!!! ♫

That was my feeling last week. Oh what a difference 7 days can make…

First I’d to comment on TESTIE TESSIE’S column of late. I have already shared my views regarding DIVERSITY vs. PRIDEFEST, so we shant revisit that until new information becomes available. Though I am not sure what spurred on the comment regarding censorship (or lack there of) on the part of ENEMA, I concur with TESSIE that he has never edited any of my columns either, nor has ever asked me to. Also, I consider it an honor and a privilege to have been asked to write for P&E in the first place. Though no one will ever be able to replace RON “PISTOL” BABCOCK, I like to think that me, Wendy, Tessie, Buddy, and the other one (please Jimmy insert their name here.) are all a facet of what Pistol represented to us and to Key West. As always, if you wish to share your thoughts, never hesitate to e-mail any of the writers @ P&E. All of us appreciate your input.

Actually this one tonight should prove to be an EXCELLENT show. The MISS FIRECRACKER PAGEANT will be held tonight @ LATEDA’S Crystal Room @ 8PM. JUST WHITNEY will give up her crown tonight to one of the following (Forgive me ladies that I do not know all of your drag names). DEJA, IDA B, Jameson of AQUA, and JACOB of EARTHBOUND will strut their stuff for the coveted title. Also, the recipient of the RHOND RIVIERA AWARD will be announced as well. Scheduled to perform are RANDY THOMPSON (QMXXVI) and GUGI GOMEZ (MFC 2007). Please call TERRY PAULSON (SMYRNA EMPHAZIMA) @ AIDS HELP, INC. for more information.

It appears that my last bit of news from my previous column has caused quite a buzz. For those of you who haven’t heard, I have started dating. Initial responses were…“What is he dating?” and “Does the person know?”

Well let me state this for the record. I am dating a very nice gentleman who is a recent transplant to Key West and yes, he is aware of the fact that we are dating. We are taking things one day at a time and getting to know each other, as opposed to just running to the back of SALOON 1 for a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am. It amazing that you can so much fun taking a long walk and receiving a kiss goodnight at your front door.

Just past the 4 month mark of sobriety. Hoorah!

Hope everyone has a very happy 4th of July weekend. As Colby Kincaid would say @ 801, “Never forget, freedom is not free.” Here’s to the troops coming home soon.

Even though there were a lot of tourists here over the weekend, it was a relatively quiet time, and now most of them have gone. Actually, love this time, when it is quieter and you can really have some nice conversations with friends. Sunday was like that and thoroughly enjoyed it.

DAVID ROSE: “When JUNIOR comes in for a show I get him a milk carton so he can get on a stool and a phone book to sit on so he can see better. I just love the way his little legs dangle on that stool.’

The CELEBRATION OF LIFE for DEIRDRA will be on Wednesday, July 1st from 10 pm on at BOBBY’S MONKEY BAR.

You have got to read DUCHESS AND LULU’S COLUMN “ACROSS THE POND.” Really quite interesting. Just go the main page and click on Across the Pond.

There is always a lot of discussion about our sunsets. However, our sunrises are equally beautiful. So if you are an early bird enjoy one.

There has been no mentioned of the ACEVEDO’S in the paper in the last two days. Do not like it, feel like I am missing my favorite soap opera on TV.

Is there a Big Bird Contest coming? If there is then 801 PAUL and BOURBON’S MARKEY MARK are definitely contestants. RANDY THOMPSON might be also, but I do not know where he is on the Clariol Color Wheel this week.

There is a new bartender that has a flatter learning curve than DAVID ROSE,/B>. However, he does have one advantage-----he is cute.

STEVEN (of STEVEN and MICHAEL There is a rumor that on the Ghost Tours there have been sightings of ED.

CONGRATULATIONS TOOTSIE (aka TROY) you have won an award. You were given the title of “Cutest Convict of the Week” on the RUDE GIRL RADIO SHOW Monday morning. Probably true, but I can make a couple of suggestions on the next time you get a mug shot. First, use a little bit more make-up/ Second, insist on better lighting.

The 801 TURN-ABOUT SHOW will be on July 6th. It will benefit the SISTER SEADON FUND. These are always fun.

Although quiet during the week, this place picks up during the weekends. Most guest houses are full.

JUNIOR gave HURLIN HELEN a short course in bartending---of course it was a special education course.

PAUL to CRAIG: “Let me push your stool in------everyone else has.”

JAKE (AQUA): “LAURIE has nipple rings on her toes----they are drooping that far.”

Have you had enough of MICHAEL JACKSON’S death on the news. I have.

What place can you come to for a bachelor party when you are getting married in a few weeks and go to a gay bar and claim it is the best time you have ever had. Ask the guys from Michigan. In an answer to an e-mail------no I do not speak for the Gay community, just for myself. Key West’s gay and lesbian community is very diverse and that is part of its beauty. But no one can really say they speak for the entire community. So when you try to basically change the one event we all share, you have to really work in all the different components of that community to build consensus.

The gay area I know the best and listen to people (patrons and business owners) the most is the Pink Triangle. The idea of basically changing Pridefest was not presented here prior to the original decision, nor where was there much consultation. Bad mistake.

Know other GLCC chapters have changed their pride celebrations to Diversityfest, resulting in some of these cities have two Pride celebrations. Is that our future-------hope not.

OMAHA CRAIG to me” “So you had two bartenders all to yourself. Did it ever occur to you that a bartender is the one person who can not leave when you arrive.”

TROY’S (aka TOOTSIE) mug shot was just precious. Think he and HURLIN HELEN had too much of an evening. Friday night. HURLIN HELEN and TROY <.B> have a new theme song. “Driving in the Dark, it is so romantic to drive in the dark.”

Know Friday night was quite the night, but what was FRISKY MARY doing with her shirt inside out and label almost sticking in her nose?

JUNIOR: “I look up to them.” JAKE (AQUA): “Don’t you look up to everyone?”

Why does JAKE go to SHADY PINES looking for tricks? No one else will touch him. He proves ‘Tricks are not just for kids.”

FRANCO’S DELI on the 1200 block of Duval is having its Grand Opening on July 4 and 5 from 5 to 7 pm. Heroes will be $5, along with beer and wine and samples. Free gift with purchase.

You can vote on what you want next year’s Pride to be called. Can only be done on-line. Go to the main page and you will see P&E Polls.

When you want SWEET PUSSY PAULINA’S attention just yell SUEY, SUEY, SUEY. However, do not be too loud because you might attract RV BEAUMONT. Those two should co-author a book entitled PIGS IN PARADISE.

801 DONNIE is finally at home. We miss him a lot.

When MICHAEL JACKSON died I got so upset I went out and got a Big Wheel in memory.

Now the jokes are starting, such as:

By the time MICHAEL JACKSON died he was 99% plastic. Thus he is being melted down and made into Legos so children can play with him----for a change.

MICHAEL JACKSON died of food poisoning ---he ate 12 year old nuts.

MICHAEL JACKSON died exactly when his clock showed the little hand on the “big hand/” The consensus is that yesterday photos in the P&E just showed GATOR worked-------at least one day.

Do not know what cruise ship was in yesterday---------------but after seeing the passengers it was a huge family reunion-----of the INBREEDER family.

MONIQUE can not afford a lawyer? Whose chain is she yanking? Girl, have a garage sale----even if what you are selling probably does not belong to you.

RALPHIE we found your tittie. It was in the refrigerator of the last apartment you moved out of.

In the Business Guild’s listing of 2010 events next June there is (and printing it exactly): DIVERSITYFEST:Pride Celebration. Believe this was printed prior to the GLCC boards decision to call it PRIDEFEST KEY WEST 2010: Diversity in Paradise. Certainly hope so, and assuming it is, it shows you how close the GLCC came to really changing Pride.

I guess at the root of my problem is the GLCC even thinking of making this decision, as if Pridefest is theirs. Then saw the pictures of the GLCC board. Sure they are wonderful, well meaning people, but how many of them are gay or lesbian? Not even sure there is a majority of gays and lesbians. That really gets to me----not that they are on the Board, but the presumption they speak for the gay and lesbian community.

Also share some of the concerns PISSY PENNY had yesterday. Thought GLCC did a good job of pre-publicity on the island. Really do not know what they did off the island. However, once PRIDEFEST got going they seemed to be more concerned about making money than the events. Their participation in the events appeared haphazard at best. Their pursuit of money was endless and disconcerting.

GASSY WINDS is dating. Behooves the question, WHAT is she dating?JUNIOR: “Does GASSY WINDS date know about it?”

801 DONNIE was still in the hospital as of yesterday, but he is in good spirits and looks like he will not need gall bladder surgery. Will have his birthday celebration when he is home and can drink a “wee one.” Miss you baby-----ain’t it hell getting older.

Much of yesterday was rainy and cloudy. Given that nothing really happened. In fact, had two bartenders all to myself.

 Some may be okay with PRIDEFEST: DIVERSITY IN PARADISE, I for one am not…..I, and after many conversations found out I am not alone, feel the GLCC is a pack of idiots for even considering this harebrained scheme from JT THOMPSON, somebody has been gargling with bong water!! The idea that we are going to share PRIDE with all these different groups who basically DON’T include us in their celebrations is naïve at best. I think somebody has been listening to IMAGINE too much. I don’t mean to sound like a bitch, because I love ONE HUMAN FAMILY, have my bumper sticker and 47 wristbands (you give me one at every event, does anyone NOT have one now?)…one local asked me “Why don’t they just start a Diversity Fest and do it like in February or something? “ Why not indeed, certainly the GLCC needs more fundraisers, but then again they will screw that up just like they have done for Pride. Poorly run events, no advertising, it is just a symptom of the board….love you guys but you are out of touch with your own community. How often do any of you EVER go out unless its early or one of your own events….you can’t afford to pay your rent yet you continue to pay an executive director? You wont get my support until you get your priorities in line.DEIDRE’s passing, she was classy and fabulous, my heart goes out to all who knew her well, I had just met her a few months ago and was always happy to see her, usually at BOBBY’S for a nightcap.

The rumor that a DRAG QUEEN died late Sunday or Early Monday sent everyone into panic mode, from what I have heard all are accounted for….careful girls, a few of you were at the top of everyone’s most likely list.

Monday was a fun DUELING BARTENDERS, highlights included GASSY chasing a poor man down the street a few blocks and then dragging him back, all the while trying to sing, thankfully the microphones don’t work that far away.

RANDY THOMPSON: “My hair is Blush and Bashful” in other words, a little pink

Tuesday’s at AQUA IDOL have been quite good, don’t know where the WATERFRONT gets it, but there is TALENT there, a lot of it we never see (note, stop casting the SAME PEOPLE in every show and that wouldn’t happen) but worth the trip to AQUA to see…early front runners in my opinion: JAMES & MCHAEL. Do have to admit, seeing DANNY WEATHERS doing DREAMGIRLS made my night. Even made RANDY ROBERTS smile, didn’t think she could do that anymore with all the BOTOX.

HUNTER, LEE & JAKE have all left I think, and I am sad, not that the beef at BOURBON isn’t good, just have a weak (and wet) spot for HUNTER…and DAMIEN too, hopefully they will be back soon.

Always nice to see BARBARA RAMEY upstairs at 801, they have a new bartender/cocktailer I guess, named ADAM, hear the way into his pants involves a POOL CUE…

Off to have a cocktail and check my hate mail, I get so much!

♫ Can you, feel a, Brand New Day? ♫

♫ Can you, feel a, Brand New Day!!! ♫

Well this post-pride week has been one of the most restful and relaxing I’ve had in a while. When not sleeping, it gave me a chance to re-discover some of the local flavors that make Key West so special, with a few new ones that I’ll talk about later.

Summer brings heat, but it also brings vacations. Several of the girls are taking this slow time to get a way for a few days, but the show must go on, and don’t be surprised if your “usual” show has a few new additions. I got the pleasure to host the Tuesday night show last week and had SUSHISAMANTHA and I have put together a new WICKED set, which has gone over quite well. If you haven’t been up in a while, stop by and say Hi!

Also, plans are in the works for the 801 TURNABOUT SHOW. Should be happening sometime in the next few weeks. For those of you unfamiliar with this annual event, it’s when the bar staff (bartenders, bar backs, etc.) step away from their jobs for a night and take the stage and step into our shoes (or pumps as it were), all for charity. Stay tuned to P&E for exact date and time.

Want to take a moment to thank two of the Aquanettes for their help with Pride this year. MAYA for performing at the kick-off party and JESSICA for giving a stellar (and crown winning) performance @ Miss Pride. You are both a welcome addition to Key West. Hope we can work together again in the future.

BTW, I am the whitest black woman on stage when I do “Luv U I Do” from DREAMGIRLS. It makes it all the more interesting when the blackest black woman, SASSY BLACK, comes to your show and gives you that finger wave which says, “What is this? Oh no you ain’t trying to be all Jennifer Hudson.” Rarely do I break up on stage, but that was funny.

DUELING with RANDY was its usual treat this past Monday, especially when I ended up on the street with my pants around my ankles saying, “Sir, I’m Randy Thompson!”. Revenge however was quick (and cold) as RANDY put a handful of ice not down my top, but down the fat suit where I couldn’t get to it! Nothing like and ice douche in the middle of the afternoon.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING NEW…

Not that this is new, but it was new to me. BOBBY’S MONKEY BAR prides itself as one of the best local hangouts in town. Well I recently discovered why the other night after my show. Between 1 and 4am, the bar basically becomes a playroom for performers, bar staff, and locals alike. Karaoke, Pool, Wii Bowling, and the ever popular MegaTouch Video Game all happening at the same time! Not for the weak at heart, and the ability to multitask is a great benefit. Just make sure you don’t have to work in the morning.

And last but not least, it’s nice when you have someone in your life to share all these things with. Yes. Stop the presses.

GASSY WINDS is DATING!

More details to follow.

Why does karaoke have to be so loud? Was in a bar on Sunday and it was so loud at times you could not talk to the person next to you. The result was that eight of us left and went to another bar where it was quieter. Do no mind karaoke, but the volume. Often think some of the entertainers are more concerned about loudness than quality.

It is hurricane season again and the media is beginning its yearly hype. Watched something on the Weather Channel and although the dialogue was just a little scary, they used as film the Mississippi Gulf Coast during Katrina. Come on folks----get a grip.

DAVID ROSE got a new phone and is trying to figure out how to use it. Too bad his special education curriculum did not teach him much about technology, but he does have an advanced degree in dishwashing.

Met and enjoyed a very nice conversation with two guys from Birmingham, Alabama. Unfortunately, they left yesterday.

Happy Birthday DONNIE ,hope you get out of the hospital so you can enjoy part of it. You are very missed.

PHILLY JOEY (former bartender at the 801) is moving back to Pennsylvania Monday.

Do not forget MISS FIRECRACKER at La Te Da July 1. You can still vote for the RHONDA RIVERIA HUMANITARIAN award on-line.

BERT and ERNIE are taking a vacation and going to Iowa to get married. Good for you guys.

Apologies to RANDY THOMPSON and GASSY WINDS. I tried and I tried to get to DUELING BARTENDERS last night, but my feet were not cooperating.

801DONNIE is in the hospital. Talked to him yesterday and he was feeling better. Hope he is out for his birthday on Tuesday.

VICAR DON had his seventy second birthday yesterday. About which PETER said: “He is sixty nine with three fingers up his ass.”

Courthouse Deli FRED: “When I get on the scales it says one at a time.”

JUNIOR: “GATOR’S favorite saying is ‘mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all.”

New bartender at BOURBON GARDEN BAR. His name is DANIEL and he is a cutie.

DANIEL asked HURLIN HELEN who were the locals. The reply: “The locals have loud mouths, tourists are pretty quiet.”

At DUELING BARTENDERS last week I found my sister’s 1950’s bathing suit. GODDESS was wearing it.

RANDY THOMPSON: “My mike is flat.” No it wasn’t honey-----you just finally listened to your own voice.

CUFF is in Australia. Maybe she can date a koala. She likes hair, or is that SWEET PUSSY PAULINA.

Too much drama in the BOURBON GARDEN BAR Friday night. Reminded me of a girl fight in the seventh grade.

UNCLE LYNN’S birthday was yesterday. He was having a good time. Do not forget DUELING BARTENDERS tonight. RANDY THOMPS will be the host and GASSY WINDS his co-host.

Had a good afternoon with visitors at the BOURBON GARDEN BAR. Especially the ones from Naples and Pennsylvania.

WEST VIRGINIA BOYS thanks for the package. It is beautiful.

Summer is here, officially, and today is the longest day of the year. In reality, summer is already here.

SIOBHAN: “With friends like you who needs an enema?”

GEORGIA CHASE’S fundraiser for the XENA FUND at La Te Da raised $2500. Pretty good----bet the food was good also.

PETER (the BARONESS VON BOATSLIP) is looking and feeling much better. Had the same stomach procedure as GASSY WINDS. Not sure whether it produced a turd baby or just added to his anal leakage. What is even more amazing is that he is not drinking anymore.

Well the controversy of PRIDEFEST VS. DIVERSITY FEST is over. Nest year it will be PRIDEFEST KEY WEST 2010: DIVERSITY IN PARADISE.

We all can live with this. Just a little worried that the Pride focus will get lost to Diversity. We want our MR., MS., MISS CONTESTS and a PRIDE PARADE. If other events are also provided to support diversity that is fine, but keep the traditional events and focus of Pride.

Surprisingly the gay guest houses seem to be full this weekend. This is traditionally a very slow time, but not this weekend.

GATOR is now working at LEATHERMASTER. We are going to send WYNN down there to explain the use for all the toys.

Of course OMAHA CRAIG did not leave chocolate stains in GATOR’S car, but you must remember PISTOL’S First Law of Journalism: “If you do not have anything to write, make it up.” Besides it is just so much fun to make fun of OMAHA CRAIG., especially when he is not here.

Lots going on today. DRAG KARAOKE at 801, GAY BINGO with RV BEAUMONT at 801 CABARET, POKER at AQUA, and the T DANCE at LA TE DA.

Some sad news, DIERDRA PIERCE passed on Friday. She was a real icon on this island. Do not know any details, will pass them on when we get them.

I went to the GLCC board meeting on Thursday night to find out the scoop. You all should be happy to know that next year’s Pride is being billed as “PRIDEFEST KEY WEST 2010, DIVERSITY IN PARADISE” June 5-13. >p> JT Thompson also wants to say “I’m excited that our inclusive island will continue to invite and involve all segments of our community to participate in Pridefest Key West 2010 “Diversity in Paradise”.

Also the parade float winners are as follows. Best Overall was the ROTC. Best Business – Fast Buck Freddies. Best Pride float – GLCC. And the Best Non-profit – MCC.

Deja was the winner of the Scooter. I just want to know if I am gonna get a ride on it once it arrives.

Friday July 26th the GLCC will be the sponsored charity at the Bottlecap.

Monique, Monique, Monique. Love opening the paper each morning and getting the latest lurid details on this scandal. You know you could not make this up. Now the son has gotten drawn into it. It is too much.

Did OMAHA CRAIG leave “chocolate stains” in GATOR’S car?

Heard a great suggestion. While we are celebrating MARTIN LUTHER KING, the hero of freedom for everyone, hold DIVERSITY FEST. Then have PRIDEFEST LATER. Thought it was a great idea.

Met the gal who owns the hot dog stand on the corner of Caroline and Duval. What a character.

FLAMINGO’S CAFÉ is open again on it’s regular schedule. My favorite spot for breakfast and lunch.

LEATHERMASTER is also re-opened on a regular schedule 10am to 11 pm. Some interesting merchandise for those not faint of heart.

Had a SCABBY ( aka MATTHIEU) sighting yesterday. He looks and sounds so good.

SIOBHAN (aka SOYBEAN): “I have become very boring.” No words more truer said.

GATOR: “When I walk in some place look for the misrror so I can look at myself.” Not a vain bone in his body.

CHER’S daughter CHASTITY is having an “addadicktome?”

JOSH (a new worker at NEW ORLEANS HOUSE) has gone from SANDMAN to SANDBAG to TEA BAG in two weeks. A record.

I hope everyone has sobered up from Pridefest. I know it has taken me a couple of days to get back to normal. If anyone can ever call ME normal. It was a great week.

I have to jump on board the SAVE PRIDEFEST bandwagon. I do not think that we should give up what PRIDE is all about to have Diversity week. If they want to have a week sometime else during the year to celebrate diversity then let’s do it. But there is a rich history behind Pridefest and it’s about being PROUD of who we are. So I say we all start a petition to let the GLCC know that we are serious about wanting to keep PRIDEFEST in Key West.

I want to pass onto all my friends who wear wigs. (you know who you are). My friend Sue Collins has many real hair wigs that she sells. I would like you to check out her website at www.imaginethat2.com. Plus, if you have a hair emergency she is here in town with great prices.

ONE NIGHT ONLY!!!! This Saturday, June 20th at 8pm, The People's Theater of Key West will present "Sheppard to Shakespeare" a monologue showcase at PTKW's theater space, 517 William Street. Come get involved and see what we've been working on. All are welcome. It is also my debut on the theatrical stage. I will be performing as Calamity Jane and Emma Goldman.

It was a GREAT success and I had a lot of fun hosting, judging, and performing… but by Monday I was more tired than I think I’ve been for Fantasy Fest. Had SOOOO much fun commentating the parade from BSP with MY Mr. Pridefest, JOSEPH CUBRIA. Especially the lone white truck and electric car that stumbled into the root. Good times.

It seems that the talk of the town for most of Key West was the “canceling” of PRIDEFEST next year to make way for DIVERSITY FEST. Both sides present good arguments. I just have this to say:

1. I don’t see the Cuban’s doing a “GAY GOUMBA” day.

2. You will never please everyone.

3. Bottom line: No matter what the final decision is, let us hope that an event designed to bring all of us together will not, when all is said and done, end up pulling us apart.

AQUA IDOL tonight. Proceeds go to Waterfront Playhouse and the talent is really good. The host is RANDY THOMPSON.

There was Wii bowling going on the other day at AQUA and DAVID ROSE was getting beaten by OMAHA CRAIG, so DAVID threw a bottle cap at OMAHA CRAIG. Well that allowed OMAHA CRAIG to feign serious injury, but he went on to win anyway. Do you think OMAHA CRAIG should give DAVID ROSE his title of MR. PATHETIC? However, the next day OMAHA CRAIG did not remember much -------seems he had vodka induced amnesia.

AQUA LAURIE flashed her boobs-------she does not need a bra as long as she has belt loops.

Is JAKE at AQUA picking up DAVID ROSE’S habits of dating older women? Will give him a pass to Shady Pines. However, he is making DAVID jealous.

SOUTHERNMOST SHORES did open on Sunday, as promised.

OMAHA CRAIG left yesterday and his good bye party is today. That way we will get a lot more people. In the end it is all about marketing.

T-DANCE at LA TE DA was jammed on Sunday, despite the heat. Good job JUNIOR.

FLAMINGO’S CAFÉ will be re-opening Wednesday morning.

Why do I feel so strongly about keeping pride. Besides the partying it is a time to reflect on where we have been and where we need to go. As a minority group we have come a long way. I remember Stonewall and having our bars raided in Chicago. It is a time to remember those who have made our progress so great in our lifetime.

It is also a time to remember that gays and lesbians are still being openly discriminated against all over this country----both in person and legislative. We are the last minority it is okay to openly hate in public. We remind ourselves of this during Pride. Pride is just not about us on this island, but throughout the world. We need it.

GATOR: “I was my butt more than my ears.” Why does he say these things publicly?

Well this is the day after PRIDEFEST and we are all feeling it. It was a great PRIDEFEST.

Kudos to MIKE CITTRO and the GLCC for making this the best PRIDEFEST, even with a few snafus----like the lack of adequate liquor licenses for the street fair. There was great publicity before and during the week. All the contests, MR., MS, MISS PRIDEFEST were excellent and very well attended. The major parties, like PURGATORY at BOURBON, ASS NASTY at 801, and the after parade party at AQUA were good and well attended. The PRIDEFEST PARADE was great and huge----even if I stood next to an obnoxious couple from Iowa (why do up-tight, bigoted people even come here?). And the party went on after the parade. Heard a horn being played about 3:30 Sunday morning. First thought it was GATOR, but it wasn’t. What was cute about it, it sounded like the wafting sounds of PRIDEFEST.

Now we come to next year. Frankly, find very little, if any support, for doing away with PRIDEFEST and replacing it with DIVERSITY WEEK. Would like the GLCC to continue running PRIDEFEST, but if they want to do DIVERSTY WEEK instead, people can be found to organize and run PRIDEFEST.

No one objects to DIVERSITY WEEK------just not at the expense of PRIDEFEST. We all love being part of the “ONE HUMAN FAMILY”, but also proud to be gay. This needs to be discussed farther and when you mention it to one of those who made that decision they say it is not the right forum. Well where is the right forum? Seems as if the decision has already been made and there will be no input. Folks that is persumptious, GLCC was given the right to run PRIDEFEST, and they have shown they can do it. But they do not own it. It belongs to the entire gay and lesbian community and we would like input.

The nominees are in for the RHONDA RIVIERA HUMANITARIAN AWARD that is given each year at MISS FIRECRACKER. They are: BILL HELER and REGGIE JENKINS, JON “MA” EVANS, LYNDA FRECHETTE, DANNY ZAMORA, BOTTLECAP LOUNGE, BRYAN GREEN, MS. D-RICHARD DENNISON, and VICK GORDAN.

You can vote on line by going to www.aidshelp.cc.

DUELING BARTENDERS today with RANDY THOMPSON and co-host GODDESS. Tomorrow night is AQUA IDOL with RANDY THOMPSON hosting.

OMAHA CRAIG thinks I should become the Director of Tourism Prevention. Just because I ask him when he is leaving every day.

Well RANDY ACEVEDO did get arrested and then suspended from being the Superintendent of schools. Good----give the school district some time to start healing. Wonder if RANDY will look as good in orange as MONIQUE? Wonder if they will allow them to share a cell?

LEATHERMASTER is open again from 10 am to 11 pm. They have gotten some new stock. Stop by and see them.

MILAN to OMAHA CRAIG: “You are cheaper than I heard.”

Some doubt if the SOUTHERNMOST SHORES will open today, or any day. The Citizen reported that the manager of the property does not want them there. Then later heard they would be open. Heard again it will open Sunday. Just have to wait and see.

Friday and Saturday was the PRIDEFEST STREET FAIR. Was not well attended. It was hot and humid, and who was ever responsible for getting the liquor licenses did not. Lot of empty places and unmanned booths. Too bad. Was expecting better. Actually, Saturday was better than Friday.

We have a new game-----trying to guess who HURLIN HELEN can piss off today.

DAVID ROSE is back from vacation. New York probably kicked him out----again.

Despite the rain beforehand, the PRUGATORY PARTY at BOURBON STREET was packed. AQUA got crowded after the BAD GIRLS PARTY at PEARL’S ended. Great for everybody. Living just off Duval I heard it.

The PRIDEFEST PARADE was very good and quite long. Nice way to short of end PRIDEFEST.

Lots going on today. GAY BINGO at 801; DRAG KARAOKE at 801; POKER at AUQA; and T-DANCE at LA TE DA.

The Reign of Terror is now complete. I called in depressed from work following my giving up the crown at the 2009 MS Pridefest on Tuesday. I doubled up on my anti-depressants, but nothing seems to be helping. Maybe I need to start work on my encore. HUMMM. Lord only knows what I will be able to come up with.

What an AWESOME Pride we have going on here in Key West. Tuesday night was the MS. Pride competition at Aqua. The six ladies were just GREAT. Every year it just seems to get better and Better. I just want to CONGRATULATE ALL the contestants. Tammy, Denise, Debo, Kelly, Jimmy and LACEY as the NEW Ms. Pridefest 2009.

I need to warn all the ladies out there that if they go out on a date with Kelly that she does take her Ex-girlfriend with her even though they are "just friends". That was priceless.

I had a ball on Monday night performing as Boy George at the CAP awards. Giving the Mayor the lap dance was great fun, but in retrospect maybe I should have given his wife the lap dance.

I then went down to the HARD ROCK and kept the party ROCKIN'. It was a lot of fun being the "featured" entertainer.

Now I know how the other half lives. The Island House mixer was as crowded as it always is. I think us girls go just for that lobster on a stick. And of course the fact that the guys always know how to throw a party.

I don't know about the rest of Key West but I am taking a break on Thursday to rest up for the weekend. I can't believe all the great events crammed into one week. I am not as young as I used to be. Plus I need my beauty sleep before the BAD GIRLS party on Friday.

JUNIOR owns a min-scooter------and it is still too big for him.

Normally do not do this, but will make an exception. MISS CINDY and STOOLTIME TIM are moving and having a big household sale. It will be Saturday and Sunday from 8am on. Address is 921 Thomas Street, upstairs.

Today is the first day of the PRIDEFEST STREET FAIR. In the past it has been excellent, with good booths, food, booze and boys. Actually this is probably the best day of the two.

Today is the BAD BOYS PARTY at the ISLAND HOUSE from 5 to 8 pm.

THE BAD GIRLS PARTY will be at PEARLS from 8-11 pm.

BOURBON STREET PUB is having its PURGATORY PARTY starting at 11 pm. Comes with a foam pool and is open to men and women.

FLAMINGO CAFÉ will be closed beginning today through Tuesday, July 16th. It will reopen on Wednesday, July 17th.

The columns and sign over Pretonia at Duval welcoming you to Bahama Village have been refurbished and totally restored. They look great.

There is some real discontent here. GLCC has made the decision to re-name and re-make PRIDEFEST into DIVERSITY FEST next year. When they first announced it we were not aware that it would be at the expense of PRDIEFEST. If we do that does it mean the GOOMBAY FESTIVAL, CUBAN AMERICAN FESTIVAL or even ST. PATRICKS DAY are going to shut down. I do not think so.

We all know and appreciate the idea of ONE HUMAN FAMILY and the concept of DIVERSITY WEEK, but not at the expense of PRIDEFEST. Thin GLCC has done a wonderful job with PRIDEFEST this year, but it is not their decision to end it. Or is this like the CAP Awards-----where they only get input.

Pretty sure there will be a PRIDEFEST next year------just not sure who will be running it.

The MISS PRIDEFEST CONTEST was Wednesday night with JESSICA DEVEREAUX becoming the new MISS PRIDEFST and JUST WHITNEY becoming runner-up.

RUMOR: RANDY ACEVEDO got indicated and arrested yesterday. Will have to check that out.

At the BOURBON GARDEN BAR they put chemicals into the pool, then OMAHA CRAIG got it. Then the health department came and shut it down for a short time. Could there be a direct cause and effect.

The restaurant inCOWBOY BILLS is leaving and being replaced by SALSA LOCO.

MR PRIDEFEST on Sunday night was one of the best events I have ever seen on this island. The work that JOEY and the BOURBON STREET STAFF was really effective. The show itself was almost flawless. GASSY WINDS and DANCER LEE were excellent emcees, the contestants and their talent were all good (no spanking of women as a talent this year.) Specific praise to MANAGER BOB who ran the show------it was great and timely.

Also kudos to MIKE CITTRO and the GLCC. This has been a well publicized and well organized PRIDEFEST. Would not say that about some of the others we have had------but the act is together this year.

MS. PRIDEFEST 2009 was at AQUA Tuesday night. It was another great production. The emcee, LAURIE was great, as were the contestants. Congratulations to the MS PRIDEFEST 2009, LACIE.

Last I saw POSTAL WENDY still had her crown on from being MS PRIDEFEST 2008. Think she has worn it so much it has grown into her scalp.

LAURIE “femed-it-up”-----it is amazing what a little make-up and a comb will do.

JUNIOR is back----let the blabber continue.

A new round of AQUA IDOL started Tuesday. It benefits WATERFRON PLAYHOUSE. The contestants are very good. The place was jammed.

MIKE’S. owner of FLAMINGO’S CAFÉ, father died. The café will be close while he and VIE go north. Will let you know exact dates.

The was a great success. Thank you the staff and all the wonderful talent for giving all the locals and tourists a taste of what Key West has to offer. And the table from Columbia (the country, not the University), you were a delight!

The MR. PRIDEFEST PAGEANT on Monday @ BOURBON STREET was an equal success. Had great fun hosting with>b> LEE and getting to dance with the BOYS OF BOURBON. JAKE and HUNTER’S tribute to TOP GUN has left an indelible impression on my brain. My only regret is that PORSCHE was not here to see >/b>J.J. MULLIGAN’S tribute to her for his talent. Now everyone should know why we call him “Stalker”. Congrats to our new Mr., NICK (BSP), First Runner-Up RUBEN, and Second Runner-Up STEVEN (SALOON 1).

The MS. PRIDEFEST PAGEANT was last night @ AQUA NIGHTCLUB. Had to work @ 801, but got a report from JESSICA DEVERAUX of the winners. Our new Ms., LACIE, First Runner-Up DIVO, and Second Runner-Up, KELLY. Please forgive me if I have misspelled any of the names. More details to follow.MISS PRIDEFEST @ LATEDA from 8 – 10pm in the Crystal Room. Current Miss Pride fest SAMANTHA WOODWARD will host the event with the help of fellow 801 GIRL KYLIE JEAN LUCILLE. Contestants at press time are JUST WHITNEY (BSP & 801), JESSICA DEVERAUX (AQUA), LULU (801), and MARK PATERSON (can’t remember his drag name. Sorry Mark). Talent shall also abound and the winner will take home a prize package currently over $4000.00!!! Good luck to all the contestants. Here’s what’s coming up for the rest of the week…

Thursday, June 11th

Noon – 5pm @ SOUTHERNMOST HOTEL: POOL PARTY 7pm @ US POST OFFICE (WHITEHEAD): PET COSTUME CONTEST

Friday, June 12th

Noon – 8pm: STREET FAIR on DUVAL All Day: BOYS A-GO-GO @ BOURBON STREET PUB 9pm: BAD BOYS PARTY (Men Only) @ ISLAND HOUSE

8 – 11pm: BAD GIRLS PARTY (Women Only) @ PEARL’S RAINBOW

11pm: PURGATORY (Foam Party for Men & Women & 801 BOURBON

Saturday, June 13th

Noon – 5pm: STREET FAIR on DUVAL

7pm: PRIDEFEST 2009 GRAND PARADE down DUVAL STREET

After Parade: 2009 PRIDE BALL @ AQUA NIGHTCLUB

Sunday, June 14thM/b> 2pm: PRIDE BINGO @ 801 BOURBON CABARET LOUNGE

4 – 6pm: PRIDE TEA DANCE @ LATEDA

For a complete listing of all events, please check out the GLCC website: GLCCKeyWest.org

There was a sighting of a hottie-hot-hottie training @ 801 BOURBON yesterday. Yours truly stopped by for a chat with him before performing last night. His name is DERRICK. Yes the body is great, and he’s very personable, but that’s nothing compared to those crystal clear blue eyes!

Speaking of 801, I don’t know MA JOHN and RV were on (or off) last night, but when Ma started chasing RV around backstage hitting him with his stool cushion…Lets just say I made my next entrance from the audience. Gonna’ try to catch a few winks before Miss Pridefest. See you all around!

Howdie,

Want a wonderful week in Paradise. The Kick Off party for the 2009 Gay Pride in Key West was a HOOT. Gassy Winds always puts on a Wonderful show. I had SOOO much fun. I preformed as Tom Cruise in the Risky Business number. I think the crowd enjoyed it, as well as leaving Gassy speechless at the end of it. I have only been able to do that one time before. When I gave him his own Cowboy Butt Plug.

I will also be performing on Monday. Starting at La Te Da 7-9 for the CAP awards and ending up at the Hard Rock Café at 10, doing my Boy George routine. So when you read in the paper “a local entertainer” that would be me. Not that they bothered to us my name or my picture in any of the advertisements. And I am not bitter about it at all. Just remember….they call me POSTAL for a reason.

SAMATHA has asked to perform during the Miss Pridefest contest. So if you missed me on Saturday night you will be able to catch me one last time on Wednesday 8-10 at La Te Da. I also want MATHEW (2008 MR Pridefest) to know the tally is in. After polling everyone at the Kick Off Party. I AM the more BUTCH than he is. Even if he does look better without his top on.

Since I am giving up my crown this week, I have been doing some reflecting. 3 things I learn as MS Pride.

1. Straight women and Gay men will always ask to wear your crown.

2. When you wear your crown to bed you WILL tear up the headboard.

3. No matter what I do, or how hard I try, I will NEVER be able to FEM-IT-UP!

Have a wonderful PRIDEFEST.

Well the BOURBON PUB has their dancers in for PRIDEFEST. LEE and HUNTER have been joined by JAKE and PACO. All nice guys and not bad to look at. Come out and see them

Thanks to KENNE for providing some great photos. Now on to MS PRIDEFEST 2009 at AQUAon Tuesday night. POSTAL WENDY won it last year, so I am sure she will be there reporting on it. This is the second of the PRIDEFEST contests.

DUELING BARTENDERS tonight at AQUA with RANDY THOMPSON and GASSY WINDS.

So sorry to hear of the passing of DEJA’S mother. Our thoughts and best wishes are with DEJA and his family.

The KICKOFF PARTY for PRIDEFEST 2009 was well attended and well organized.

PRIDEFEST 2009 activities for today include THE CAP AWARDS at LaTeDa at 7 pm.

Good news for us-----readership for PISTAL AND ENEMA.COM has increased by about eight percent in the last year. We are now one of the 3000 most read web sights.

DOGS ON DUVAL have a new batch of adorable puppies-----I stay away so I will not get tempted.

Kudos toBOURBON STREET PUB for staging a wonderful show with the MR PRIDEFEST 2009 CONTEST. The stage looked great, the production was well managed, the emcee’s, DANCER LEE and GASSY WINDS, were excellent.

The contestants were excellent and very entertaining. And MR PRIDEFEST 2009 is NICK (bartender at the Garden Bar.) He will be a very good MR. PRIDEFEST.

Lots going on today. There is the PRIDEFEST HOME TOUR from noon to five. GAY BINGO at 801 at 5.DRAG KARAOKE at 801 at five, as well as Poker at AQUA at three and six.

The big event of the day is the MR. PRIDEFEST 2009 contest at the BOURBON STREET PUB starting at eight. Promises to be a good one, with at least eight contestants.

Kudos to MIKE CITTRO and GLCC for publicizing PRIDEFEST 2009 so well. The list and description of events are all over the place, as well as good descriptions of what they are. Big improvement.

Got a question as to good places to have dinner close to the guest houses on Flemming. ISLAND HOUSE has a good restaurant, but if you want to venture out there is CAFÉ SOLE, AZUR that are close, along with my favorite MICHAELS. Check with your front desk, they can make suggestions. You are also close to Key West Bight and Harborwalk. Some good places there.

JAMES and GATOR had a great date Friday night----they went to the laundermat.

Hearing that COCK SHOCK at SALOON ONE Friday night was a happening.

SOUTHERNMOST SHORES will open a week from today, June 14/ It will be open from 10am to dusk.

RALPHIE is taking his culinary skills to SOUTERNMOST SHORES and will be there five days a week.

MR. JACOBS, owner of the PIER HOUSE died. It will be interesting to see what happens with that property.

Had an ANGIE BABY sighting yesterday. Always good to see him.

The inventors of Brillo Pads got the idea from looking at LAURIE’S hair.

No SPARKY does not have a nervous disorder that causes him to twitch------he’s just not the best electrician.

AQUA IDOL on Tuesdays is starting a new round----raising funds for the WATERFRONT PLAYHOUSE. Should be good talent.

OMAHA CRAIG does not wear glasses---they are magnifying glasses.

SIOBHAN (aka SOYBEAN) puts on rubber gloves to take my money-----why?

PRIDEFEST 2009<.B> officially starts today with a KICKOFF PARTY at LA TE DA’S from 5-7pm.

TERRY WHITE will be performing.

Some excitement today. The KEY WEST BANK got robbed and I just missed it--------which is a good thing.

My clothing line WRONG, JUST WRONG had numerous possible models on the street yesterday. Why do whole groups wear the same ugly shirt? Why do Elaine Bryant buyers wear spandex? Both passed Tourist 101 with flying colors.

GASSY WINDS to OMAHA CRAIG: “Do not worry about bowling, you are just overall pathetic.”

The backdrop and runway for MR. PRIDEFEST at BOURBON STREET GARDEN BAR look fantastic. The contest is tomorrow night at 8 pm.

Oh god what is wrong with me, ALMOST miss JUNIOR and DAVID ROSE.

MARCEL (bartender at Bourbon) to DON (manager at Bourbon): “Let me show you how to sit on a cooler.”

Saw ADAM and PAUL THE RAG standing together. Really reminded me of THE BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. You can guess who is who.

BUDDY’S 42nd birthday has been going for days. Not sure his liver will make it to 43.

Hearing CANDY and BOSTON BOBBI are in town. Great girls. Hope I see them.

OMAHA CRAIG is in town. No matter how hard I tried, still heard about his trip down. He even had video----he needs a life.

OMAHA CRAIG: “I turned my ex-boyfriend into Anna Nicole. He is now dating a very old guy.

JIM and JEFF who own the GRAND GUEST HOUSE used to live in Omaha. OMAHA CRAIG said they owned a restaurant named CLUCKERS and used to drive around in a yellow Pinto with a chicken on its top.

DANCER LEE is back in town. So good to see him, and look at him. We are gearing up for PRIDEFEST.

The MR PRIDEFEST contest at the BOURBON STREET PUB on Sunday at 8pm has at least eight contestants. Ought to be good.

SOUTHERNMOST SHORES will open on July 19th.

Nominations for the RHONDA RIVERIA HUMANITARIAN AWARD.The award is presented each year to a community individual who has shown exceptional commitment and involvement in working to raise funds and awareness for local organizations. Get on the following link to cast your nomination: Terry.p@aidshelp.cc.

Happy Birthday, 801 PAUL.

HURLIN HELEN saw OMAHA CRAIG’S butt and offered him Preparation H and butt bleach. Oh HELEN is such a humanitarian.

Hearing RYAN, former bartender at BOURBON PUB is not liking Alaska very well and may be headed back. This is a warning to the rest of us.

Seeing the pictures of ED (aka NEHD, BARBIE) at his memorial party just brought back so many wonderful memories. For all his foibles, loved that man.

Lots of great stories about ED. Did he ever have a job from which he did not get fired or chased out? Gone, but never forgotten.

GATOR cut my hair because I was tired of paying the barber full price. Now I think the deal my barber gave me was more than fair.

GASSY WINDS in a cowboy outfit just does not make it. Only cowboy I have ever seen with a plaid hat.

Peace and tranquility reign on the island. DAVID ROSE and JUNIOR are off the island at the same time.

Went to DUELING BARTENDERS at AQUAyesterday. GODDESS was RANDY THOMPSON’S co-host. Good singing and lots of laughs as usual.

RANDY THOMPSON has a new hair color. Now he is very blond. Wonder how many colors Clairol has? Well, if we are around RANDY long enough we will find out.

RANDY THOMPSON:“GODDESS looks like a widow on a cruise ship.”

RANDY THOMPSON: “Laurie uses a lot of lip gloss, just not on her mouth lips.”

801 PAUL’S birthday is tomorrow. He will be fifty. Am sure he will be out all day.

The PURGATORY FOAM PARTY on Friday, June 12, is not at the 801 BOURBON, but at BOURBON STREET PUB. Although there are some connections between the two bars, they are very separate------each with their own activities.

We finally got our much needed rain on Tuesday. It was a good one, and one we really needed.

DEJA’S mom is in the hospital in Ft. Lauderdale. DEJA has gone to be with her. Our thoughts and best wishes to both of them.

Great news-----the legacy of ATLANTIC SHORES lives on. The former owner of the shores has gotten ahold of the pool area at SOUTHERNMOST GUEST HOUSE and is turning it into the SOUTHERNMOST SHORES. It is a beautiful spot. ADAM is going to be the manager. More info later.

Well after quite a long layover in TX, OMAHA CRAIG finally arrived back on the rock around 11:30 last night. At his age, hopefully this will mean he’ll sleep for the first 3 – 5 days so we still have a break. Welcome back Ripped Van Vodka and know that a BIG surprise will be forthcoming…

When I got home from 801 last night, I went into the kitchen to make a pre-bed snack and on the stove there was what appeared to be one of those ceramic frogs. Would you believe, it was not. It was real. And when I went to pick it up it flew out of my hands and into the rack of clean dishes. Luckily it landed on a small cutting board. And as tempted as I was to have frog’s legs for my snack, I took the high road and was able to return him to the garden. At least it wasn’t a scorpion!

In case you missed my last column, here again is a listing of just some of the events scheduled for PRIDEFEST 2009!

Saturday, June 6th

5 – 7pm @ LATEDA (Crystal Room): KICK-OFF PARTY: Hosted by yours truly, GASSY WINDS. Slated to perform are Matthew Hall (Mr. Pridefest 2008), Samantha Woodward (Miss Pridefest 2008), Postal Wendy (Ms. Pridefest 2008), Michael McCabe, Maya (Aqua Nightclub), Nick and the “Boys of Bourbon Street Pub, and Terri White (The Keys).

Sunday, June 7th

8 – 10pm @ BOURBON STREET PUB (Garden Bar). MR. PRIDEFEST PAGEANT

Monday, June 8th

7pm @ LATEDA (Crystal Room): 2009 CAP AWARDS for Excellence in Pride. Hosted by Michael McCabe.

Tuesday, June 9th

8 – 10pm @ AQUA: MS. PRIDEFEST PAGEANT<[p> Wednesday, June 10th

8 – 10pm @ LATEDA (Crystal Room): MISS PRIDEFEST PAGEANT Thursday, June 11th Noon – 5pm @ SOUTHERNMOST HOTEL: POOL PARTY 7pm @ US POST OFFICE (WHITEHEAD): PET COSTUME CONTEST

Friday, June 12th

Noon – 8pm: STREET FAIR on DUVAL All Day: BOYS A-GO-GO @ BOURBON STREET PUB

9pm: BAD BOYS PARTY (Men Only) @ ISLAND HOUSE 8 – 11pm: BAD GIRLS PARTY (Women Only) @ PEARL’S RAINBOW

11pm: PURGATORY (Foam Party for Men & Women & 801 BOURBON

Saturday, June 13th

Noon – 5pm: STREET FAIR on DUVAL

7pm: PRIDEFEST 2009 GRAND PARADE down DUVAL STREET

After Parade: 2009 PRIDE BALL @ AQUA NIGHTCLUB

Sunday, June 14th

2pm: PRIDE BINGO @ 801 BOURBON CABARET LOUNGE. Hosted by GASSY WINDS.

4 – 6pm: PRIDE TEA DANCE @ LATEDA

I will be producing and hosting the Kick-Off Party this Saturday @ LATEDA, performing and co-hosting the Mr. Pridefest Pageant, performing and judging the Miss Pridefest Pageant, commentating the Gay Pride Parade from the balcony of NEW ORLEANS HOUSE (BSP) with my Mr. Pridefest JOSEPH CUBRIA, and hosting Gay Bingo from 2 – 4pm @ the 801 Upstairs Cabaret Lounge on Sunday the 14th. What can I say? I like to keep busy. For a complete listing of all events, please check out the GLCC website: GLCCKeyWest.org

MITCH of ISLAND HOUSE will soon be returning to the airwaves with his own radio show on 1630AM. The show will cover topical matters that effect the gay community here in the Keys. Listen for yours truly discussing my sobriety and the impact of Drugs and Alcohol here in Key West.

Watch out Boys and Girls Tessie is in a mood today! First thing we must do is warn all of my local readers Omaha Craig arrives back today for TWO whole weeks. Of course we understand he is stopping in Fort Bottomdale first, to get himself a rent a boy for the two weeks to pass off as his boy friend.

JT you may have to put up with Omaha Craig for a few days since you didn’t book your flight out of town early enough.

And speaking of those going out of town David Rose left for New York on Monday, while his girl friends Candace and Bobbie flew in. Candace is heart broken. And David, don’t think my watchful eye won’t know about your shenanigans while you are in Brooklyn. Remember Tessie sees and knows all.

And yes Craig the Rose will be back before you leave town. We know how hard it is to keep you two apart.

Good to see Scott and Dennis back in town but would have preferred to have you guys back under better circumstances.

Also returning to us over the past couple of days is Aussi Scott. It appears the life back in that podunk town in Australia agrees with you. But you don’t seem to be so light in your loafers anymore. Oh did Tessie just say that.

Seeing the pictures of ED (aka NEHD, BARBIE) at his memorial party just brought back so many wonderful memories. For all his foibles, loved that man.

Lots of great stories about ED. Did he ever have a job from which he did not get fired or chased out? Gone, but never forgotten.

GATOR cut my hair because I was tired of paying the barber full price. Now I think the deal my barber gave me was more than fair.

GASSY WINDS in a cowboy outfit just does not make it. Only cowboy I have ever seen with a plaid hat.

Peace and tranquility reign on the island. DAVID ROSE and JUNIOR are off the island at the same time.

Went to DUELING BARTENDERS at AQUAyesterday. GODDESS was RANDY THOMPSON’S co-host. Good singing and lots of laughs as usual.

RANDY THOMPSON has a new hair color. Now he is very blond. Wonder how many colors Clairol has? Well, if we are around RANDY long enough we will find out.

RANDY THOMPSON:“GODDESS looks like a widow on a cruise ship.”

RANDY THOMPSON: “Laurie uses a lot of lip gloss, just not on her mouth lips.”

Sorry column is so short. Did not think I was writing today.

Many people ride bikes here and it makes sense. The problem is that many bicyclists do not obey the traffic rules. Going the wrong way on a one way street I think is a local custom that will not be broken. However not stopping or at least slowing at intersections where there is a stop sign or light is more of a problem. Someone is going to get hurt------so if you ride a bike on the island use some sense.

South Florida and the Upper Keys have been bombarded by thunderstorms the last week and we have had none. We could use some of that rain.

DAVID ROSE is going on vacation, today so he thinks he is safe from being written about when he is gone. WRONG-----that is when we can be at our worst. Especially when he does something stupid. Notice the word “when“ instead of “if.”

Trying to think of the best quotes I have heard over the last six months. Sure I do not remember them all, but here are some memorable ones:

CONNECTICUT DAVID (to me when I told him he could stay at my house over my dead body), “Okay, I can wait a few weeks.”

PORSCHE: “I only drink to be social and get rid of the shakes.”

DAVID ROSE (when a middle aged woman said she thought he was sexy): “Make your mouth a donut and I will glaze it.”

PORSCHE: “RALPHIE gives five dollar blow jobs, and for two dollars more you get tater tots.”

Know the quote I never want to hear again:

OMAHA CRAIG: “Did I tell you about my flight down here?”

DUELING BARTENDERS tonight at AQUA. Know RANDY THOMPSON will host, but have gotten confused on the schedule for the co-host.

JOEY (NICK’S boyfriend) is leaving for a couple of months to be in a dance company in New England. We will miss him.

The Memorial Service/Party for will be today around 7 pm today in the BOURBON GARDEN BAR. Will be very informal.

The OHIO COWBOYS (DENNIS and SCOTT) are in town for a few days. Good to see them.

HARRY (aka MICHAEL) has had some interesting days. On Thursday he was visiting a friend when a neighbor attacked him calling him “fag”, etc. Got a good black eye out of it. He called the police and was totally unsatisfied with their response. So he called the Chief of Police and was much more satisfied with his response. On a lighter note, he has a new puppy named LUNCH which is just adorable.

The ALBANY BOYS, MIKE AND JASON left us yesterday. They were really fun------get back here.

PETER, aka THE BARONESS is having the same procedure done that GASSY WINDS had on his stomach. (Bets are PETER’S turd will beat the record set by GASSY‘S)

AUSSIE SCOTT, former bartender at the BOURBON STREET, is back for a visit from down under. It is great to see him-----really miss him.

SIOBHAN was talking about “walking her dogs.” She is now recognizing what her dates look like.

Hurricane season is here again. Although it is supposed to be a normal year, the news media is making it look like we are in from multi disasters. Can they not just report the news and weather without being so sensational.

MISS SPARKPLUG vs. MISS FIRECRACKER-----opps, must have been too much of the demon vodka.

NICK’S drink special at the BOURBON GARDEN BAR was in honor of JUNIOR. It was called the HOBBIT PUNCH. Very appropriate since he is both.

BONE ISLAND: BARE IT ALL WEEKEND ---Summer Edition----will be July 17-19. Make plans to be here. For complete details check the web site-----nakedkeywest.com

Also a BEARS WEEK is being planned for September 12-19. More info later.

A week from today begins PRIDEFEST 2009 here in Paradise. Michael Citro and the GLCC have been working overtime to make sure the week is packed full of events for all to enjoy. Here’s just a peek at what is in store…

Saturday, June 6th

5 – 7pm @ LATEDA (Crystal Room): KICK-OFF PARTY: Hosted by yours truly, GASSY WINDS.

Sunday, June 7th

8 – 10pm @ BOURBON STREET PUB (Garden Bar). MR. PRIDEFEST PAGEANT

Monday, June 8th

7pm @ LATEDA (Crystal Room): 2009 CAP AWARDS for Excellence in Pride. Hosted by Michael McCabe.

Tuesday, June 9th

8 – 10pm @ AQUA: MS. PRIDEFEST PAGEANT

Wednesday, June 10th

8 – 10pm @ LATEDA (Crystal Room): MISS PRIDEFEST PAGEANT

Thursday, June 11th

Noon – 5pm @ SOUTHERNMOST HOTEL: POOL PARTY 7pm @ US POST OFFICE (WHITEHEAD): PET COSTUME CONTEST

Friday, June 12th

Noon – 8pm: STREET FAIR on DUVAL All Day: BOYS A-GO-GO @ BOURBON STREET PUB 9pm: BAD BOYS PARTY (Men Only) @ ISLAND HOUSE 8 – 11pm: BAD GIRLS PARTY (Women Only) @ PEARL’S RAINBOW

11pm: PURGATORY (Foam Party for Men & Women & 801 BOURBON

Saturday, June 13th

Noon – 5pm: STREET FAIR on DUVAL 7pm: PRIDEFEST 2009 GRAND PARADE down DUVAL STREET

After Parade: 2009 PRIDE BALL @ AQUA NIGHTCLUB

Sunday, June 14th

2pm: PRIDE BINGO @ 801 BOURBON CABARET LOUNGE

4 – 6pm: PRIDE TEA DANCE @ LATEDA

For a complete listing of all events, please check out the GLCC website: GLCCKeyWest.org

Obviously ENEMA didn’t take enough of a Disco Nap the other day before writing his column. The MISS FIRECRACKER PAGEANT (not SPARKPLUG) will be July 1st.

This then spurred the conversation where GATOR announced that today he would be cutting ENEMA’s Ass Hair. He then retorted with “You can’t. I braided it yesterday.” This malady will now forever be know as Bob Marley Butt.

JON-E’S (formerly a bartender at BOURBON PUB, now in New York) orange orchid at the BOURBON GARDEN BAR is really blooming-----think of him every time I look at it.

Finally found a complete list of events for PRIDEFEST. The contests will be:

MR PRIDEFEST will be on Sunday, June 7 at 8pm at the BOURBON GARDEN BAR.

MS PRIDEFEST will be on Tuesday, June 9 at 8pm at AQUA.

MISS PRIDEFEST will be on Wednesday, June 10 at 8 pm at LA TE DA.

After PRIDEFEST comes THE MISS SPARKPLUG contest on July 1. It is for AIDShelp. If interested in entering e-mail terry.p@aidshelp.com.

MARK, long time worker at FLAMIGO’S CAFÉ, just disappeared about three weeks ago, causing great concern with MIKE and VIE. MIKE eventually called his family and found he had returned to his home town. A relief to all who knew him.

The USS VANDENBERG reached the bottom in exactly the position experts wanted. Great job. We were all afraid it would not go right and we would have to raise money to “Raise the Vandenberg.” What surprised me was how fast it went down.

SIOBHAN (aka SOYBEAN) is a little miffed at me for suggesting she is fifty or close. Hone, I can not help it if you are not aging well.

JUNIOR come home (never thought I would say that.) Less than half way through his first shift in the BOURBON FARDEN BAR, PAUL the RAG offended about everyone. His drink special was JUNIORS PLANE CRASH COLADA. Need I say more-----except we all had one.

AUSTIN is leaving the island this weekend. Good luck my friend in Hawaii---we will miss you.

The Memorial for ED (aka BARBIE, MEMAW, NEHD) will be at around 6pm on Sunday, May 31st at the BOURBON GARDEN BAR. Come and have one last drink for the ole queen.

The USS VANDENBERG has been sunk. We saw it about 10:30 yesterday. Once exploded it sank rapidly. Was on CNN.

Got a question about gay/lesbian guest houses in Key West. Can only give you my impressions:

EQUATOR, located on Flemming Street, about four blocks off Duval. BEAUTIFUL and not huge. Great rooms, pool, bar, etc. Men only.

ISLAND HOUSE is located at the corner of Flemming and White-----almost a mile from Duval. Voted this year and in the past the Best Gay Resort in the US. Nice rooms, good restaurant and bar and other facilities. Often called by us the “the nicest bath house in the world.” Men only

OASIS is located on Flemming, across the street from Equator. Nice rooms, good bar, etc. Men only.

NEW ORLEANS HOUSE located on Duval over the BOURBON STREET PUB.. Nice rooms, couple of bars with a few steps and very centrally located.

PEARL’S on United Street. Heard it is very nice, with bar, etc. Easy walking to Duval.

There are some very gay friendly guest houses that are not exclusive to either sex. BIG RUBY’S on Applerouth Lane is one many stay at. Nice, expensive, good bar, good location. Another, is the GRAND on Eisenhower. Looks beautiful and the owners are great.

JUNIOR leaves for about ten days to go home to Boston and his college reunion. He went to HOLY CROSS, whose colors are lavender and white. What a good choice of school for that boy.

SISTER SEASON’S SURVIVORS PARTY raised around $9700 with more coming in from the Silent Auction. Great, fun event-----one of my favorites.

One of the nicest things about SURVIVORS PARTY are seeing the number of volunteers who have been aided by SISTER SEASON. That is the way it seems to work down here.

MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND is over----and a great weekend it was. Now some quiet until PRIDEFEST----June 6 to 14.

Lots of people going to KWEST to see the dancer with a rather large appendage. Bunch of dirty old queens.

Today is the sinking of the USS VANDENBERG. It will become the second largest artificial reef. Just afraid it won’t happen right and then we will have fund raisers to “Raise the Vandenberg.” Would go out and see it, but it is way too early and way too expensive.

Quiet, quiet day after a busy weekend. Love it

Happy birthday SIOBHAN. Are you fifty yet?

Was really great to see LARRY HARVEY and ALLEN out on Sunday.

This weekend has been crowded and the traffic is heavy. Good for us-----we have had great weather while the mainland has been miserable.

BOURBON STREET had a FOAM PARTY on both Friday and Saturday nights. Seems the rains on Friday night shorted out the machine so its substitute had to be brought in. Everyone seems to have had fun.

WEESA your Puma hat is gone-----taken over by your room mate.

The Albany Boys, MIKE and JASON, are back in town for a week. They had two great quotes: “Alcoholism is a wonderful disease-----it treats itself.” And, “Does Sister Season mean it is summer with fewer people and incest is high amongst the locals?”

Have seen it all------a mother brought her seven year old daughter into the BOURBON GARDEN BAR. She seems to have enjoyed the scenes. When she goes home she will have some great show and tell stories.

Key West makes for good neighbors. A friend, BLUE MARLIN DAVID, had his dog< JACK get out and get lost. Within four hours a women about five blocks away found him, fed him, and called SPCA. DAVID called and quickly got him back. According to DAVID it was a beautiful home-----maybe JACK just wanted better digs.

We have had fun with two guys from Tampa for the last couple of days------they should be living here.

GATOR went into SALOON ONE late and three guys immediately got on their knees------he thought it was a religious service, so he left.

Love SURVIVORS PARTY. Great food, beautiful view and a chance to see so many you do not see on a regular basis, but boy was it hot.

Of course you know, POSTAL WENDY, how to “toss the salad”------probably a specialty of yours.

Love to hear IRENE (Thursday) and LENORE TROIA (Friday) at AQUA

After the release of the state audit on Monroe Schools, hope MONIQUE ACEVEDO will look good in orange. Once again, ask RANDY ACEVEDO to step down. You can not fix the problem because you helped make it.

Think SIOBHAN (801), aka SOYBEAN, has a curse around her. She has more things happen to her, or around her, of anyone I have ever met.

Kudos to the KEY WEST CITIZEN, and the rest of the media, for not reporting on the visit of FRED PHELPS and his Klan. The way to get them to go away is totally ignore him. Have not heard much about it, so much for that.

JOEY SCHROEDER did you wear a snorkel to the BOURBON/MANHUNT PARTY Saturday night? Trying to figure out who is shorter JOEY or JUNIOR.

Interested in being a candidate for KING and QUEEN of FANTASYFEST? There will be an informational meeting for interested candidates on Tuesday, June 9 upstairs at LA TE DA at 6 pm. The theme this year is BONNIE and CLYDE: VILLAINS and VIXENS ON THE RUN.

DAVID ROSE got on JUNIOR’S Facebook and saw a picture of his 90 year old grandmother, and then wrote, “She is hot, can you fix me up?” Where are the limits for that boy?

About ready to enter Hurricane season and the media is getting hyped up as they do every year. Think the Weather Channel has too many reporter or time on their hands. Not predicted to be an abnormal year.

ED’S (aka NEHD, MEMAW, BARBIE) Memorial Party has been changed to Sunday, May 31 around 6pm at the BOURBON GARDEN BAR.

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Life is wonderful in paradise. We couldn’t ask for better weather, and having a 3 day weekend coming up. WHOOOHOOOO. I am ready.

A while ago I was sitting around with friends and they were talking about things they had done for themselves to make them happy. One had eye surgery so she could wear the COOL sunglasses again and not prescription. Another had her stomach stapled and lost 150 pounds. A third friend had laser hair removal so she would never have to worry about shaving her bikini line. So I was wondering what is it that I would want done to make myself happier. I decided I wanted liposuction on my belly. I set up my appointment with the DR. Sat through the video about how it is down. Paid the $50 “consultation” fee. Just to have the man look at me naked and tell me that I would need to lose weight. WHAT!!! Isn’t that why I am here? I could have called my Dad and he would have told me I needed to lose weight for free.

I received an email regarding this fact and wanted to share it with all my men friends.A little known fact…

The first testicular guard was used in cricket in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.

Tessie I just wanted to let you know I did do my research on Fletching. I had to call in sick that morning after finding out what it is. And to realize that enough people to it, that they put a name on it is even more disgusting.

Tossing the Salad is an easy one. I hear you prefer Grape jelly when you do it. I’m sure you have stock in Smucker’s.

Well Memorial Day Weekend is upon us and the island is FULL of events geared for every type, size, and fetish. Unfortunately I didn’t get out much this week, so check in with your favorite watering hole or guest house for a complete list of events.

The event NOT to miss this weekend is the SURVIVOR’S PARTY @ the SOUTHERNMOST BEACH RESORT on MONDAY at the very end of Duval Street (the Atlantic end, not the Gulf end). This annual event to benefit the SISTER SEASON FUND is the highlight of the weekend; #1 to celebrate a very worthy cause and #2 to have a nice relaxing afternoon with the crème de la crème of Key West Society; all volunteering their time to ensure the people of the service industry who may happen to fall on hard times can continue to thrive and survive here in paradise. Silent Auction, 50/50 Raffle, and FOOD, FOOD, and MORE FOOD provided by the best restaurants in Key West. Festivities start @ 5pm. DON’T MISS IT!!!

Even though RANDY THOMPSON is out of town, GODDESS and I held down the fort @ AQUA this past Monday with DUELING BARTENDERS. Though we miss him terribly, it gives us a chance to take a crack at all of “his” songs.

With the arrival of summer, things are heating up UPSTAIRS @ the 801 CABARET LOUNGE. New numbers, new solos, and all the girls back in town. If you haven’t been in a while, now’s the time to check us out! Shows at 9 and 11pm every night. Every cast a different cast, every show a different show.

June will be here before we know it, and that means time to dust off your Rainbow fineries as we get ready for PRIDE WEEK. The KICK-OFF PARTY will be on JUNE 6TH from 6 – 8pm @ LATEDA. This is a great event to plan your schedule from, plus the chance to see performances by all the reigning crown holders, as well as introductions of the candidates for this year’s pageants. Surprise guests and hosts soon to be revealed, with your’s truly at the helm. Stay tuned to P&E for updates, or check out Key West GLCC website for a complete listing.

Next Thursday the 28th will be 90 days sober. Thank you Key West and all of our readers across the country for your continued support.

Sorry too read ROB RUSSO got convicted in Nevada. Always like him, and my thoughts are with him and MARTY

Had dinner at CRABBY DICKS the other night. Might be the worst meal I have ever had in a restaurant.

When will I ever learn my lesson-----never, never ever go drinking with DAVID ROSE

Today is the day FRED PHELPS and his crew demonstrates. Remember you can still pledge to the Key West Gay/Straight Alliance by going on-line to http://www.phelps-a-thon.com.

ENEMA: “When I go to Fire Island I hang out in the meat rack.” JUNIOR: “you can’t you are beef jerky.”

PRIDEFEST is coming up. Hear next year they are changing the name DIVERSITY FEST and celebrate all different aspects of our ONE HUMAN FAMILY.

This weekend will be MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND with lots of visitors and events. MANHUNT is in town and will sponsoring some big events. On Saturday afternoon they will have a MANHUNT PARTY at the ISLAND HOUSE<.B>and on Saturday night their will be a MANHUNT PARTY and a foam party at the BOURBON STREET GARDEN BAR.

On Sunday, in the afternoon, there will be the MINIMAL REGATTA t SCHOONER WHARF. Big weekend.

Great news. MARY JO went to the doctor’s and found out she was cancer free.

JUNIOR must have the best developed vocal cords with all the practice he gets. Just want to know where the off button is.

MATT, formerly from here, but now in Boston and working for MANHUNT, is down for the weekend. Good to see him.

The memorial show for CHARLENA SUGARBAKER went very well and the family seemed to really enjoy it. Great tribute to a true icon of this rock.

DANNY ZAMORA where do you get your outfits. Not sure, but suspect it is the Salvation Army Store in Havana. And that wig-----how many tree rats did you have to kill?

One of the last acts was GUGI and he was right on.

Great to see a lot of people do not normally see, like BOBBY WALKER and DONNIE (used to own bar where BOBBY’S is).

Tentatively planning ED’S (aka BARBIE) memorial party for Tuesday, June 2. More later.

MARK (aka MUCHIECHI) shaved and it makes him look a lot younger. Lets put it this way-----next year, when he gets his fourth grade photo, he might look older.

The MIAMI HERALD came out with SOUTH FLORIDA’S FINES: READERS CHOICE AWARDS. Two Key West bars made were in the top three for BEST GAY BAR. 801 BOURBON and PEARLS made the list.

Was half asleep listening to TV and heard this ad for a lawyer in Miami. Pretty sure it said, “If you die from such and such a disease, give me a call. You are due for some compensation.” Too late froggy.

Was going to write something about OMAHA CRAIG, but every time I try I fall asleep.

CONNECTICUT DAVID left today for the fourth time in two weeks. Spent the the afternoon with he and DAVID ROSE. Thin I got verbally beat up.

When I go to AQUA and DAVID ROSE is bartending I get bored-----almost wished BOBBY NESBITT was singing.

ALLEN (partner of LARRY HARVEY) is supposed to get out of the hospital today. Get better guy.

The initial coroners report is that ED died from eating one of RALPHIE’S hot dogs.

Took a walk yesterday------sometimes I forget how beautiful this paradise is. Between the architecture of Old Town and the foliage it can be breath taking. If you visit, get off Duval and just walk some of the side streets.

RANDY THOMPSON and GODDESS at DUELING BARTENDERS tonight.

Think we gave the wrong impression. SISTER SEASON’S SURVIVOR PARTY is a week from today. MONDAY, MAY 25TH from 4 pm to dusk at the SOUTHERNMOST BEACH CAFÉ. Kind of quiet yesterday----even with some cruise ships in.

Our big season for tourists is ending, but it was better than anticipated------at least for Key West. Sounds like the rest of the keys were hurt.

Although not great for the service sector, personally love the slower times.

ISLAND HOUSE did win the the BEST GAY GUEST HOUSE AWARD-----AGAIN.

Stupid things I have heard this week:

-Is this island surrounded by water?

-How many sunsets do you have in a day?

-Why don’t they paint the USS Vandenberg.

CARLENA SUGARBAKER events on Sunday were well attended and went very well.

MARK bartender and bar back at the BOURBON PUB has a new nickname. It is MUNCHIECHI-----the photo from yesterday will explain it all.

Rumor is that the ISLAND HOUSE got awarded the BEST GAY RESORT in the US-----again. Hope it is true.

JUNIOR: “PETER is older than the dirt he sleeps in.”

CUFF is threatening to move here------just what we need, another lesbian without a hairbrush. She can join the TAMMY school of hair design.

GATOR has taught us another new Cajun term. It is FOUNDTED. It means found. In a sentence, thought I was going to need some mechanicisms to fix the problem, but founded the problem.

Do not forget the Memorial Show for CHARLENA SUGARBAKER tonight at BOURBON STREET GARDEN BAR at 8 pm.

A week from today will be SISTER SEASON’S SURVIVOR PARTY at the SOUTHERNMOST BEACH CAFÉ from 4 until dusk. Always a great time. Advanced tickets are for sale at FLAMINGOS CAFÉ.

Next Friday the BOTTLECAPS Happy hour (5-8) will be a fund raiser for SISTER SEASON. There will be a number of guest bartenders who will donate their tips

The tentative date for sinking the USS VANDENBERG is May 27. It will be towed out on the 26th and sunk the next morning.

My cure for a potential hangover is simple-----start drinking when you regain consciousness. Have not had a hangover since 1978;

SIOBHAN (aka SOYBEAN):: “I have a DONNIE on today.”

New idea for a fund raiser. Put JUNIOR and SOYBEAN together for a TALK-A-THON. Five dollar admission to cover the cost of ear plugs.

SIOBHAN’S partner of eleven years threw himself in front of an ambulance. Only question------why did it take him so long.

Good lord, saying good by to PORSCHE has been a week long even. Said good by on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Hell offered to drive him to the airport to make sure he got on his Friday plane.

On the 22nd FRED PHELPS and his clan of hate mongers will be here. Our official reaction will be no reaction------his goal is to incite and get a response, then he sues. Almost all his children are lawyers, so do not fall into the trap. If he disrupts, let them be to blame.

The Key West High School Gay/Straight Alliance will use it as a fundraiser. You can donate by getting on-line to http://www.phelps-a-thon.com. I hope many do as this would be a perfect reply to Mr. Phelps.

One of the local papers contacted his organization and got a hold of his daughter. When the reporter asked her what she thought about our motto ONE HUMAN FAMILY, she replied that was the dialogue of Satan. There is no way you are going to get through to these people-----they make their living by being on the edge and when people react making them pay.

Sorry that I offended some people about my remarks about ED, but that is how I grieve. Ed was many things and that was a reason I loved him. But one thing he was for sure is funny and that is how I want to remember him------and all the good times we had.

Everybody that was at QUEEN MOTHER thought it was just an excellent show. JOHN “MA” EVANS and DESIRAY did just an excellent job of producing and staging it. Thought all the contestants were good and it just all fell into place. Also loved the former QUEEN MOTHERS that performed----LA LA BELLE and TOMASINA you guys still got it.

Just a word about our retired QUEEN MOTHER SUSHI. What an excellent representative she was for QUEEN MOTHER. She attended over sixty events during her reign, always looking beautiful and always pleasant. Kudos, girl. You are what a QUEEN MOTHER should be.

ED (aka BARBIE) will have his funeral with his family in Georgia. We will be holding a memorial service for him the first week of June when SCOTT and DENNIS (aka THE OHIO COWBOYS) are here. ED loved those guys and we could not hold it without them. PORSCHE has left the island for the Isle of Fire. That ends the annual migration. We will miss his humor and talent.

PRIDEFEST is coming next month and that means OMAHA CRAIG will be here. What is even worse, so will CONNECTICUT DAVID. One of my worst nightmares might come true and they meet.

Local postal carriers collected over 20,000 pounds of food last Saturday. All of it goes to local soup kitchens. From all of us, thank you.

JT THOMPSON founder and guiding spirit of ONE HUMAN FAMILY will be trying to raise enough funds to erect a statute at the end of White Street Pier symbolizing ONE HUMAN FAMILY. Great idea.

Heard from CHUCK THOMPSON and PAUL in Austin. All is going well with them and they are trying to get over for a vacation this summer.

It is amazing who you see at BOURBON PUB when BOBBY NESSBIT is performing at AQUA.

JUNIOR: “Heard the last survivor of the TITANTIC died------choked on an ice cube.

Howdie All,

I had a full weekend. So much for my diet and not drinking. Friday afternoon with Lenore at Aqua was fabulous. But then when isn’t she.

David Rose please stop getting a hard on every time I order a drink. I know you think I’m HOT, but it’s very distracting. Also I am not your type, I have a pulse.

On Saturday I went to all girl karaoke at Pearl’s and had to sing a couple of songs. Always a fun time. I even borrowed Betsy’s high heels. I just have 2 things I want to say about that. I almost got a nose bleed being that high up, and the doctor said I will only need the crutches for a few more days. I am going to leave it up to the professionals from now on; I will just stick to my tennis shoes and flip flops. Just one more failed attempt at femming it up.

I then went to the Porsche/Randy Thompson show at Bourbon. WOW!!! It was awesome. Those 2 boys sure know how to belt them out. I hope that they do it again sometime.

I want to do a shout out to Grandma Jeri and Grandpa Glenda. Maybe you two can find some energy and come out and party with us all sometime soon. Miss ya girls.

Also meet some great girls from Connecticut. Pam and Sandra. I hope you really do come back. But then I know you will have to have a Randy Thompson fix at some point.

We have a new QUEEN MOTHER. It is RANDY THOMPSON. The first runner-up is GASSY WINDS. The pageant was great---well run, good talent. More about it later. Sunday all day was a drunk local day. Do not know what was in the water, but the locals were out drinking like fish. Did not really make it PORSCHE’S FINALE and frankly do not know how she made it. DAVID ROSE got PORSCHE drunk then I wandered in and PORSCHE got me drunk well before the show. Heard it went very well. Listening to CONNECTICUT DAVID and PORSCHE you laugh so much.

PORSCHE to ME: “Did you cry when the dinosaurs died?

PORSCHE about the painting “The Last Supper;” “Everybody get on this side of the table if you want to be in the picture.”

CONNECTICUT DAVID often is a medic at Special Olympic events. When there is a need for his assistance the code is DRATER DOWN. Drater is retard spelled backwards. Says that if you fall in the pool at one of these events it is called diving and they get a gold medal.

Next Sunday is the memorial show for CHARLENE SUGARBAKER at BOURBON STREET GARDEN BAR starting at 8pm. Promises to be good.

SISTER SEASON’S ANNUAL SURVIVORS PARTY will be Monday, May 25 at the SOUTHERNMOST BEACH CAFÉ. Time is 4pm until sunset. Always a great time. Pre-event tickets are on sale at FLAMINGO’S CAFÉ.

ALLEN, partner of LARRY HARVEY was in a bike accident and broke his hip. Should be out of the hospital this week.

JUNIOR had a bad Saturday night------the demons got to him. On Sunday, thinking it was Saturday, he showed up at the GARDEN BAR and started work, until he realized he did not work that day.

Very sad news. Our good friend ED (aka NEHD, MEMA, TRAILER TRASH BARBIE) passed away yesterday. Our thoughts are with his friends and family.

Sometimes when you wish for something and then they happen they turn out better than you could ever have anticipated. That was Saturday night when PORSCHE and RANDY THOMPSON performed together at the BOURBON PUB. For me there are not enough adjectives to describe how good they were. The repertoire and singing were out of sight----they both were at their best. Although this has been a slow weekend, the place was full-----mostly by locals.

You could tell they are both from Texas just by their hair. Good lord could it get any bigger.

RANDY THOMPSON; “Nice to have MUMSY WINDS visiting-----without a court order.”

PORSCHE: “RANDY THOMPSON and I look like the number 10 standing together.”

RANDY THOMPSON: “His name was Ross----cross dress for less.”

POSTAL WENDY: “RANDY THOMPSON is an honorary lesbian------he gets three fingers.”

JUNIOR is shorter than POSTAL WENDY and she ain’t big------in height.

QUEEN MOTHER PAGAENT tonight at LA TE DA at 8 pm. JOHN “MA” EVANS and DESIRAY do an excellent job of producing and directing this event.

DAVID ROSE sometimes works as a cocktail waitress at AQUA. By his own admission he is a total failure.

The one unpardonable sin in Key West is being boring. Sat next to someone who totally filled that criteria.

Hearing CONNECTICUT DAVID and WEESA are into skat----compliments of SLOOPY JOES.

Okay----can’t read my notes and don’t remember what they refer too------so much for today.

Went to seeLENORE TROIA Friday afternoon at AQUA. Good, good, good.

POSTAL WENDYS medical tests showed no problem---great news.

DUELING BARTENDERS is cancelled Monday night due to the QUEEN MOTHER PAGEANT.

The QUEEN MOTHER TEA at 801 was well attended. There are four contestants: IDA B, JUST WHITNEY, GASSY WINDS and RANDY THOMPSON. The pageant is Monday night----always a great event.

DAVID ROSE to POSTAL WENDY: “When I want my stamps licked I will come to you.”

PORSCHE’S last show of the season will be tonight at the BOURBON PUB around 7:15

On Sunday, May 17, there will be a show at BOURBON GARDEN BAR at 8 pm honoring the memory of CHARLENE SUGARBAKER. There is no admission.

SIOBHAN’S DATE: “I get the feeling you have lost interest in me.” SIOBHAN: “Finally.”

Did you know CONNECTICUT DAVID is a chronic type A organizer.”

JUNIOR has trained so he can talk for thirty minutes without taking a breath.

Who is easier to make fun of-----DAVID ROSE or GATOR? Think it is a tossup.

Have you known somebody who got fired from a job before they sat foot on the premises? Only in Key West.

Has been great to see MIKE and JIM from New Jersey. They will be back soon.

Crazy, crazy day Saturday afternoon at the GARDEN BAR. Too much fun.

The PORSCHE and RANDY THOMPSON SHOW last night was just great------better than any of us could have hoped for. More on it later.

God the two new dancers at BOURBON STREET>, JUAN and BRODY, are really good eye candy. Stop by and see them.

Listened to IRENE at AQUA Thursday afternoon. Her voice and range amaze me-----although the volume was a bit too loud.

Also went to listen to PORSCHE and JENNIFER MCCLAIN.

Also just excellent. Remember it will be RANDY THOMPSON and PORSCHE tonight at BOURBON STREET around 9ish.

Had a BLANCHE sighting the other day. That girl is looking good.

Why is that locals on bikes insist on going the wrong way down one way streets. With some of our narrow streets that can be very dangerous. Worse yet, they get pissed when you say something.

JOHN, the accountant at BOURBON now has a nickname----it is FRISKY JON based on his performance on Thursday. What is with at accountants there and alcohol?

CHUCKLES did you make it to Fire Island? We miss you already.

There was a meeting regarding the visit of REV. FRED PHELPS later in the month. General consensus is to ignore him. Could not agree more, these types thrive on confrontation and publicity.

Also really the idea that gay-orientated organizations that raise funds, like GLCC and AIDShelp use it as a fund-raiser by having people pledge so much per hour for the time he is here. What a wonderful comeback. Hope both GLCC and AIDShelp do something with it.

is back on the island and have actually had a sighting of him. He is here for ten days. God help us.

You should see JUNIOR eat a full size dill pickle. He is a pig------at least his gag reflex is stunted.

TIPSY what did you put in DAVID ROSE’S backpack?

AUSTIN DARRER will be moving to Hawaii in three weeks. He used to live there.

The actual date for the sinking of the VANDENBERG has not been set yet, however it will be between May 21 and June 1.

In the BOURBON GARDEN BAR, DAVID’S appendage has been reattached.

The CINCO DE MAYO BANDITOS were out in force, led by 801 SAM and DAVID ROSE. Rumor is that they stayed out until 4am and at least got kicked out of SLOOPY JOES. (Oh, what a surprise)

PAUL THE RAG made DAVID ROSE a very special drink -------what was the secret ingredient? Did you use JOCOMO secret formula?

QUEEN MOTHER TEA today from 5:30-7:30 at 801. Come meet the candidates and our reigning QUEEN MOTHER, SUSHI.

JOEY (of NICK and JOEY) is now permanently living here. Will be a great addition.

CLINT is back in town for a week before he has to return to West Virginia.

Have an apology to make. Met BOA of the 801 Girls for the first time this week. She has been working at the 801 for over a year------my fault, sorry.

CHUCK and PAUL in Austin-----how are you doing----let us know, or better yet, come for a visit.

JUNIOR: “I am not a talker, I would rather text.” We would like that too. Some days I worry about his vocal cords just giving out.

RALPHIE was a good caregiver the other day and kept an obnoxious drunk from the rest of us------well that is until he took the drunks shoes and threw them at him.

The noted homophobe, Rev. Fred Phelps, is expected to be in town May 22 to protest the Gay/Straight alliance at the high school. Am sure this will cause some form of community reaction.

B-RADS dogs look like him-----only they are better looking.

SIOBHAN is back from her trip to the British Virgin Islands. She loved it and her boyfriend did not have to be hospitalized-----all around good trip

Even the dancers dropped their drinks when PETER lifted his shirt. It was really rude, BOURBON STREET had just sprayed and PETER let his fruit flies loose.

Heard nothing but good things about ROMPER ROOM at the RED BARN THEATRE.

What a gorgeous spring. Warm but not hot. Just perfect for running around the island naked on a scooter. Just don’t forget your sun screen!!!

Vicki Gordon threw a wonderful Kentucky Derby party. It was a lot of fun. I was very relieved all the horses were safe this year. My horse finished 21st out of 19. Don’t ask me how it happened, it’s just my luck. Maybe next year there will be a consolation prize for those of us who had the horse that finishes in last place.

Just a reminder that Sunday is Mothers Day. Don’t for your Mom. And don’t come into the Post Office on Friday and ask if your card will get there on time. Be prepared to pay for Express if you wait until the last minute. The lack of Planning on your part, does NOT constitute an emergency on our part.

Saturday May 9th is also the Post Office’s food drive. Please set out your non-perishable food items by your mailbox and let your mail carrier pick it up with your mail. Or drop it by the Post Office when you come by to pick up your mail. All food collected stays local, no matter where you are. This is a NATIONAL food drive so no matter where you live in the USA you are helping us feed the hungry in your local area.

It was great to see our friends Jan and Steph from across the pond. They are too wild for words, must be why we love them so much. It’s sad they are on their way back to England. It is always a pleasure to see you ladies. Come back soon.

Sorry I don’t have anything to gross you all out with this week. But I am still trying to hold down my lunch after finding out what feltching is.

The news on everyone’s lips is the upcoming QUEEN MOTHER XXVI PAGEANT to be held @ LATEDA on Monday, May 11th @ 8PM. Yours truly sat down with the Pageant Organizer Extraordinaire JOHN “MA” EVANS to get the inside scoop:

“Who are this year’s contestants?”

At present, there are 4. RANDY THOMPSON, IDA B, JUST WHITNEY, and… ME!

“Are there tables still available?”

YES, though space is limited. Please call Ma @ 305-296-9741 to reserve your table. As always, Standing Room will be available for $25.00 on the night of the event at the door.

“Are there other events leading up to the event?” YES. Starting with the QUEEN MOTHER ROYAL TEA to officially announce the contestants will be Friday, May 8th from 5 – 7:30pm upstairs at the 801 BOURBON BAR. Donations at the door will benefit AIDS HELP, INC. of Monroe County. There is also the FORMER QUEEN MOTHER BRUNCH and more! Check out PARADISE on Thursday for a complete listing of all events.

Still getting compliments for the KEY WEST WRECKERS vs. the 801 GIRLS entry for this year’s BED RACES. In case you missed it, I have heard rumor that there is a video floating around the internet on YouTube.

Some new street signs have been put up outside of 801 on Petronia to aid in traffic control. Thank you for putting a DO NOT ENTER sign right outside the front door! If you added drug dealers, you might get more bang for your tax dollar.

The parade to welcome back MUMSIE WINDS will be held on Saturday starting @ Key West Airport and ending @ LATEDA. Happy Mother’s Day in advance to all!

On a sad note, we lost a comedy legend today. Farewell DOM DELUISE. What will Burt Reynolds do without you.

Whenever you see DAVID ROSE and ADAM out together------run, and run fast.

PORSCHE is having JEN MCCLAIN from Fort Laundrydale perform with her on Thursday and Friday night. She is excellent. On Saturday night RANDY THOMPSON and PORSCHE will be performing together and then PORSCHE is gone for the season.

It is time for RANDY ACEVEDO, our Superintendent of Schools to resign. Your wife, who was one of your administrators, is indicted for grand theft and you are either culpable or stupid.

Today is Cinqo de Mayo -----so there is another reason to party.

PORSCHE: “RALPHIE went spick on us.” (Think he was tearing coupons out of a K-Mart ad.)

GASSY WINDS at 801 Drag Karaoke on Sunday night was dressed like a pig-----probably in honor of swine flue, which is, incidentally, the only disease she has had not had.

GEORGE and LLOYD from Richmond, Virginia are int town for a week. Good to see them.

Was on my way to DUELING BARTENDERS with RANDY THOMPSON and GODDESS when I ran into CHUCKLES and we went for one more drink. Needless to say did not make it to DUELING BARTENDERS. He is gone today and will be back in October. Miss him already.

Rumor is that CONNECTICUT DAVID will be here next weekend. Wonder if we will even see him.

RODNEY (aka ANGIE BABY) and GREG should be here permanently now-----just have not seen them. They will be a great addition to the community.

Lots of good events coming up. Friday is the QUEEN MOTHER TEA at 801, Monday the 11th is the QQUEEN MOTHER PAGEANT at LA TE DA Then coming up will be MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND, which is always a good time, which will quickly be followed by PRIDEFEST, June 6-14th.

Over the last couple of weeks at least four different tourists have asked me why the gay bars have such a divergent group of people---gay, lesbian, straight and any other combination you can think of. All I say is this is Key West, we are lay back and like people. Although the LGBT community does not have equal rights in this nation or this state, Key Westers have equality. We take our motto “One Human Family” seriously. For over forty years the LGBT’s have been fighting for equality. Key West is what happens when you achieve it. So, yes there are straight bartenders in gay bars, lesbians and gays freely intermix, and straight people are always welcome. If you find any of this objectionable you may not want to come here.

I know too many gays who do not like lesbians, and vice versa. To me that is very, very sad and those attitudes are not well received here.

Hope the HULA BOYS made it home okay. Miss MARK and PEARL, still not sure about DEAN.

DAVID ROSE is immune from the swine flu. He should be after all the pigs he has dated.

Four 801 girls: SUSHI, RV BEAUMONT, GUGI and KYLIE were at the University of California Santa Barbara this last weekend giving a course on drag. Wonder what department that was in.

CHUCKLES will be leaving the island tomorrow for Fire Island. He will be back in October. Miss him already.

JUNIOR: “GATOR is on America’s LEAST Wanted Show.”

GLOSSARY OF GATOR TERMS:

-DRUNKENESS: as in “he is showing a lot of drunkeness.”

-MECHANICISMS: the plural of mechanics

-DOUBLEWIDEISM: plural of double wide mobile home.

-MOST WORSTEST: really bad

-SLU: LSU when Gator has had a few.

-POODLES: potential sex partners -COUSINS: sex partners

OHIO STATE‘S patron saint is St. Rita----the saint of lost causes.

Why is everybody an editor? Know it was April 30, not the 39th. Also know it is the 801, not the 891. What do you want for 4 am

RYAN gets to Alaska today. Only a quarter of the way around the world-----not far enough.

Found out the theme song for JUNIOR and TIPSY is “The Beauty and the Beast.” You can figure out which one is which.

There will be only one PORSCHE and RANDY THOMPSON SHOW. It will be next Saturday, 9 pm. BOURBON PUB

RAY and JIM leave today-----was great seeing them. They went fishing for a couple of days and had great success. Took some of their catch to CAMILLE’S and they cooked it for them. They raved about that meal all day.

When JUNIOR smokes the cigarette is bigger than he is----talk about stunting growth.

AQUA is having IRENE sing on Thursday afternoons. She is an AQUA IDOL contestant. Can she belt them out.

DAVID ROSE is on a diet and going to the gym every day. He is going home in a month and does not want to look like Chubby Checker.

Just love Key West. MONIQUE ACEVEDO had a warrant issued for her for grand theft. However, she can not be found and is was a fugitive. Just too much. Then she turned herself in the next day. Wonder if her husband, the Superintendent of Schools, use the district credit card to pay her bond?

CUFF it is not necessary you ever write me, but at least comb your hair.

AQUA is having MAYHEM for the entire month-----which means on Saturdays there will be two shows-----one at nine and the next at eleven.

RANDY THOMPSON and PORSCHE will be performing this coming Thursday and next Saturday. Thursday will be at AQUA at 7 pm, and the Friday will be at the BOURBON PUB at 9pm.

DAVID ROSE: “Old snatch is still snatch.”

JUNIOR: “I am bi-sexual. Buy me something and I will be sexual.”

What is going on with SAM (801). Yesterday he wore a pink T-shirt and said something about wearing condoms because he does not want a butt baby.

PETER: was describing his barn yard adventures. At least he remembers those. It is clear he has a fascination with goats.

Beautiful weather here---can not get any better than this.

Today BOURBON PUB GARDEN BAR is having KENTUCKY DERBY drink specials, and on Tuesday they are going to have CINCO DE MAYO drink specials.

CHUCKLES: “Look at that------it is a picture of RHETT when he was young.”

QUEEN MOTHER is coming up on Monday, May 11th at LaTeDa. Always great and a great island tradition. Probably our biggest pageant.

Sorry to hear TAMMY will be leaving BOBBY’S MONKEY BAR. Going to give more time to her landscaping business and also work some at FRANCO’S DELI

. Know I mentioned this yesterday, but do get on the internet and check out Michael Savage and Rockstar. He is unbelievable-----whatever you do, do not buy ROCKSTAR.

QUEEN MOTHER ROYAL TEA will be Friday, May 8th at the 891 from 5 to 7:30. Come and meet who is running, plus our present QUEEN MOTHER, SUSHI.

New store on Duval, HIDE and SEEK, right next to EVAN and ELLE. Looks like basically clothes and is being run by LEATHERMASTER BUDDY and MIKE so who knows---check it out.

JUNIOR has said a lot of things in the last two days----just nothing interesting.

Hearing nothing but rave reviews for on upper Duval. Great Italian deli.

GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS. BAD NEWS the TODAY program has cancelled its show from here next Tuesday due to the Swine flu. GOOD NEWS: up to nineteen new cruise ships will be here next month.

FIRST FRIDAY at AQUA this afternoon from 5:30 to 8 with JUNIOR being the DJ>

Watched HBO’s “RECOUNT” (Presidential election of 2000 in Florida) and then heard an extended interview with Scott McClennan about his days in the White House. Thank god there are only 233 more days of Bush, Cheney, etc. What have they done----not only to our image, but our psychic. Wake up America or it will be gone. Then listened to McCain----he is nothing but “Bush Lite.” There is a question about who we are going to vote for? It is not about race or gender---it is about all of our future.

Met COLLIN, DALE’S son----talk about a spitting image. Nice kid----glad to see DALE----missed you.

The DUCHESS has been at work----you can now get OVER THE POND on Firefox.

Was out late the other night ----whole different world----GATOR got home before me. You know you can stay up longer if you drink beer----and stay away from DAVID ROSE.

Karaoke at 801 Thursday with JEFF and BABY T was really good and enjoyable. Keep it up.

We missed SUSHI’S BITCHESJEFF, the two of you are two of the nicest people on the island.

Memorial for RUSTY’S mother, ANN RHODES, 4 pm, Thursday June 5 at LA TE DA’S

Yesterday was TAMMYDAY at BOBBY’S. Loved the afternoon and that girl.

has a new Mustang, Red convertible. He calls the color “Lipstick Red.” and calls it Scarlett. GATOR has the same color car and calls it’s color some macho name. Who is right? It is almost June 1 and Hurricane Hysteria has started-----only this time by one of our own papers---the KEY WEST NEWSPAPER----honestly 17,000 people dead. Get a life.

LAURIE from AQUA was talking about being behind the bar with GASSY WINDS during Monday’s DUELING BARTENDERS. Said he was so big she got bruised. Will get her some Beano for next week. RANDY, get home, think GASSY and GODDESS are planning a coup ‘d etat. No GATOR that does not mean crawfish.

Sat withMIKE (aka HARRY) at the BOURBON PUB last night. A tourist couple came---who he did not know----with pizza from that nasty place. MIKE jumps up and rips it out of their hands and throws it in the garbage----then is so chagrined he goes to UPPER CRUST and gets them new pizza. Is he losing his mind?